23 April 2007

The Game: Food and Shelter vs. Hockey



Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Ok. The Avs are out. The Stars are out. And I just moved out. As of this week I will live in a house without appliances or a functioning bathroom, so I kinda need to focus on making sure I can eat, sleep, and...well, you know.

I'm still watching. Still reading. Writing? I'll see you next season.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

13 April 2007

Nyah, Nyah, Nyah

The Game: Stars at Canucks, Game 2

Playoff demons? Whatever. I love me some Turco.

FINAL

Stars 2
Canucks 0

Why Dallas, you ask? Yeah, there is something of a healthy rivalry between Oklahoma (my home state) and Texas. OK is kinda like quiet, plain kid nobody really notices, and TX is like that kid's older, bigger brother. It seems like everything comes easy to him, and everyone likes even though he can be a real ass.

That said, Dallas would be my nearest NHL team were I ever to move home. Had the Penguins moved to KC...I would have had two, I guess. About the same distance in flat, uninteresting terrain.

Have you been to Dallas? It's cool. I've been a few times, and every time my friends and I go to the Magic Time Machine restaurant, where local starving actors and actresses go to wait tables while practicing their craft. They stay in character all night, even if it means being a total dick. And you can order a Roman Orgy from the menu.

Ludwig is out of town again, rocking out in the mountains. He plays bass. And Satanella? Watching hockey out of the corner of my eye while I study PLUMBING of all things. It's scary. Last night I fell asleep ranting nonsensically about tile. Lud woke me up mid-nightmare, thinking some guy on a motorcycle was about to crash through our bedroom wall. The best, though? I thought FOR SURE this morning that I had read on Kukla's Korner that Theodore had resigned from the NHL. Ha!

Needless to say, I need sleep. Not sure how much of the next game I will catch. Just under two weeks until signing/move in/demolition day. I need to pack.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

11 April 2007

Who Did? Who Died?

The Games: Penguins at Senators, Stars at Canucks (Game 1s - late post)

Potentially upsetting nearly everyone's predictions, the Pens died a slow, painful, and miserable death tonight. As if the whole youth and inexperience thing wasn't intimidating enough, this loss must be a psychological nightmare. It was the first time I've seen the Sens in action. They are good hockey. Although I think it would be good for hockey in general if The Crosby Show did well in the playoffs (today, his picture accompanied the only NHL-related link I've seen on Yahoo!'s front page), I won't be offended if the Senators take it. Questionable reffing and a good scrum make for an interesting non-Av playoff game. At first Intermission, I went to Whole Foods on a snack run, and overheard a lady saying, "...but I'm an Islander fan. And I still admit it!" Ha. To think that a year ago I would have had no idea what she meant.

FINAL

Penguins 3
Senators 6

Equally unexpectedly, the Stars DID tonight. Both they and the Canucks practically played two games, something I'm going to have to look into. Why does everyone hate the shootout again?

FINAL

Stars 4
Canucks 5

I have a love/hate relationship with commercials. I hate them for myriad reasons, but I love comparing who advertises where. The commercials you see during an episode of "Oprah" are radically different from those interrupting a show on MTV. Hockey fans, I suppose, are white males who take care of their homes, lawns, and...prostates. At least it seems that Quizno's has determined that their campaign was ill-directed for the audience, and pulled this gem:



Watch as the silent actress dies a little inside. It's probably just my imagination, but I think of her as one of those artists who was determined to sacrifice the quick road to fame, if it meant doing hemorrhoid and STD ads. And there she is, trying to retain her composure as another, less integrous female sets feminism back a couple of decades.

In other news, someone from Turkey recently found me by Google-ing "puke lovers." Further back, an unknown academe accessed me by researching "hockey players are good lovers." Interesting. Apparently HIFL is a booze-smelling alley in the hockey blogosphere. Shady and proud.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

If You Can't Say Something Nice...

I may be preemptively compiling my farewell mix-tape for Jose Theodore, but I have to say that this is unbelievably cool:



What HAPPENED to you, Theo?

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

There Is Nothing Like A [Game]

We got sunlight on the sand, we got moonlight on the sea
We got mangoes and bananas you can pick right off a tree
We got volleyball and ping-pong and a lot o' dandy [d]ames
What we ain't got? We ain't got GAMES!

We got nothin' to put on a clean white shirt for
What we need there ain't no substitute for
There is nothing like a GAME, nothin' in the world
There is nothing you can name that is anything like a GAME!

We feel restless, we feel blue, we feel lonely and in grief
We feel every kind of feeling but the feeling of relief
We feel hungry as the wolf felt when he met Red Riding Hood
What we don't feel? We don't feel good!

Lot's of things in life are beautiful but - brother
There is one particular thing that is nothing whatsoever
In any way, shape or form like any other
There is nothing like a GAME, nothing in the world
There is nothing you can name that is anything like a GAME...

I can't pinpoint when South Pacific lodged itself in my head. Perhaps it's Post-Season Stress Disorder, or insanity brought on by grief.

Must charge on, though. Sakic signed. I understand that it's a ceremonious occasion, but he made it pretty clear around trade time that he plans on sticking around. AND there's GAMES tonight. I'll be rooting for the Penguins and the Stars. Yes, the Stars. Because I CAN.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

08 April 2007

This Is The End, Beautiful Friend

The Games: Avs vs. Predators, Avs vs. Flames

Disclaimer: this post will be uninformative and inarticulate, because...



I am moving. Sorting through and packing up three years worth of two people's lives. Finally feeling free to get rid of those hideous unasked-for wedding presents, and memorabilia from college. I am stressed. Have to move in 19 days. Put an offer on a house today, for a comparatively modest (but ridiculous to me) sum of money. Will have to gut it, and live on soup from the hot pot for a while.

The Avs getting eliminated from the playoffs yesterday makes this time doubly poignant. Ah, the things we get attached to. Sometimes we hate them, sometimes they hurt us, but they are ours. As much as I hate this apartment, as I took down our art and pictures from the walls, it made me sad to see our home become sterile, lifeless, and utilitarian. Similarly, when the Preds scored that empty netter, I felt a little lonely, a little small, a little empty. I couldn't look at the guys' faces, it was too much.

That said, I'm glad it happened now. For the last two months, every game has been THE game. It has been the height of excitement and tension. The Avs were never coasting, there were no dispensable games. And the run they put together in that time was epic. A thing to see. Topped off by tonight's unfathomably satisfying win against the Flames, too.

I am proud of the guys. Budaj and Stastny surprised. Sakic continued to amaze. Brunette and Arnason had their best years in a while. The new guys (like Finger, and new/old guys like Parker) are promising additions to the team. And I love Laperriere for going out with a bang. NOTHING gives me more pleasure than that he kicked Phaneuf's stupid ass. I only wish I could have been there.

I can't help but look at the bright side of this. The Avs may not have made the playoffs, but the last couple of months have reestablished them as a formidable opponent. And I have no doubt that the sting of not making the playoffs for the first time in franchise history will make for an extra hungry next season. Look the hell out.

Also, I have to confess a certain amount of relief. I can watch the playoffs while I am refinishing walls and hardwood floors dating from 1927. I will learn more about other teams, but no game will be of particular concern to me. Without a doubt, I have developed a love for hockey and the Avs. But if the process of getting a house has induced stress-related spider-coming-out-of-cheeseball nightmares, I can't predict what tiling a bathroom and installing new siding will do.

One more thing. Avs fans have taken a lot of flack lately for having hope. That's a shame. There is nothing wrong with rooting for the underdog, and anyone who thinks otherwise doesn't get it. Especially when that underdog all of the sudden starts playing like it was raised by wolves!

I hope to continue to post as regularly as possible during the playoffs and off-season, but I'm not sure how soon I will have the computer/TV set up after the move. I will tell you to look forward to at least one post - I have hockey related plans for the first use of our new stove, whenever that happens.

Another thing. It has been an honor to be even remotely part of the community of hockey bloggers. There is nothing more inspiring to me (and nothing that I miss more about the "good old days" of school) than associating with passionate people. And you are interesting and intelligent, too. Thank you, if you are reading this. With only half a season under my belt, I know I am unworthy.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

06 April 2007

I Believe

The Game: Avs at Canucks

Woooooaah. That is all. Just kidding.

A quick pregame glance. Laperriere + Shy childr
en = Funny. Lappy: "How you doing? [reads her shirt] 'Mini Diva.' I like dat."

Hejduk scores 25 seconds in. Unbelievable! It's fast and furious until Brunette crashes into Luongo and seems to step on his junk (ahem, interfere with his crease). A goal off of Naslund's skate gets taken away...Lucky...

Extremely lucky, since Salo ties it up less than a minute later. But everyone is working hard, including the venerable Sakic, who spends his lion's share of ice time under tremendous pressure. After the Avs aren't able to capitalize on three fortuitous Canuck penalties, I write in my notes, "Hejduk still hot. Any other goalie, could have hat trick by now." I think back to his last...

My reverie is interrupted by another McNab gem, just before second Intermission: "...Their minds are working so hard inside those masks..."

Hejduk gets his hat trick in the third. Who called it? That's right. The next best thing to throwing some hats onto the ice:



In honor of "The Duke," the ducal coronet of the Master of the Royal Household of Scotland. And if that doesn't float his boat:


Nothing helps you relax after an impossible win like a couple of frosty...root beers? Riiight.

FINAL

Avs 3
Canucks 1

What could make this night better? Well, two things. Calgary lost to San Jose [taps fingertips repeatedly; maniacal sneer]. And, I went to a Guinness Believer event, drank copious amounts of free Irish beer, and added to my growing collection of Guinness family drinking paraphernalia:



The little spoons are for pouring Black and Tans. I don't drink them often enough to keep the thing on my keychain, though...

Happy Fan Appreciation Day, Vancouver! Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

03 April 2007

It's Not Over 'Til...

The Game: Avs at Flames

This wasn't Altitude's (or the Flames') night. For the first ten minutes of play, only audio was available, accompanied by a still photo of the rink at Calgary. It made me think of those kitschy apartment-dwellers who invite company over for the holidays and put on a DVD of a burning yule log.

At last, the video feed was restored, and I didn't miss Phaneuf's first demonstration of douchebaggery [French for asshole-ness]. He trips Guite, and goes to the box. Friesen gets a short handed goal, and Clark responds with a PP goal less than one minute later.

At Intermission, Laperriere is asked what contributed to the last-minute resurgence. He 1) is disappointed/frustrated/amused at having been asked the same question 5,000 times (I wonder how they feel when asked, "How important was this game?"), and 2) explains that it took longer than expected for this group to "zhelle" as a team.

Then, not satisfied with earlier technical difficulties, Altitude introduces, begins to play, and promptly cuts a clip from next Saturday's Intermission report - a heartwarming look at Nashville's coach? On the other hand, I recently realized that I have underestimated Altitude personality Peter McNab. I thought he was a cheesy drunk, but now I know he's freakin' HARDCORE!



That's awesome. In the 2nd, it is announced that Budaj is the NHL's 1st Star of the Month. After the Flames score again, and Richardson and Stastny give the Avs the lead, I think, desperately, "they have to hold this for 24 minutes? Budaj has got to be a rock."

...Which takes me back to my Catholic school-girl days. Not in the Britney Spears way, in the Sister Act kind of way. Budaj has faith. He has faith in God, as well as in the God-given talent within himself and his teammates. I thank God, though, that he has the sense to thank inanimate objects like the posts. It occurs to me that his name is Peter. Of course. He is a Name of the Game. Not because his name is funny or unfortunate, like Hamrlik's, but because Peter means "rock," and [Hockey] Jesus told his beloved disciple of same name "you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it." Whoa. Deep.

In the 3rd, it becomes obvious that, since the Avs have taken the lead, I am not the only one who wants to turn the clock forward a bit. McNab starts counting down the minutes when there's still 13 left. Then he remarks the Avs' "high-energy calm." OK, he's still a drunk.

Luckily, Sakic scores. He's spent an unusually long amount of time on the ice tonight.

Phaneuf draws a second penalty on the Avs by taking the most obvious and laughable dive. He is officially a tool. I'm sorry. He is an idiot jerk who happens to play hockey well. Put that in your "just like me and you" ad campaign, NHL. Do I have enough posts under my belt to call him a "fucktard" or an "asshat?" Because I want to. A dive. Nice work, Coach PLAYFAIR!

Langkow scores. So maybe Budaj is some kind of porous rock. Whatever. He's young.

The horn sounds at the end of the game, to a resounding BOO from Calgary fans. My last note? An all-caps "SHUT UP, CALGARY!" Ugh. You are under my skin, and I don't like you. I can't put it down to the fact that you are Canadian, because my beloved Sakic is, too. I don't know what's wrong with you, but I am going to find out. Jerks.

FINAL

Avs 4
Flames 3

So, playoff hopes are still alive. Barely. It's too bad that these last three games are Vancouver, Nashville, and Calgary again. Oilers, save face and shame these guys. Sharks? Go JAWS on them. Avs...show them what happens to a flame in an AVALANCHE. I think you can.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

31 March 2007

My Hex Didn't Work So Much

FINAL 1 2 3 T
Calgary 1 2 0 3
Vancouver 0 0 2 2

Madeline Kahn (Mrs. White) said it best:



Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

A Hex on Calgary!

The Game: Avs vs. Wild

I saw today's game from right here:



Section 118. Row 18. Seat 10. Closest I have ever been. Sweet.

I went with a friend who has the hookup. But before you get too jealous, know that I had to endure two of my worst pet peeves in order to take advantage of these free tickets: lateness (missed 12 minutes of play) and bad driving ("hold on!" bad).

I love people watching at the games. Today was especially fruitful. It didn't take me long to pick up on the fact that a lot of people around me were referring to the players by their first names. Shortly after that, Liles scored, and the gorgeous Gucci-clutching brunette twig sitting in front of me squeals, "Daddy! It was John!" Turns out, it was Liles' girlfriend, one of the "Avs' Better Halves," her parents, and his parents. Her parents were in matching pink cardigans. The moms sat next to the other the whole time and never uttered a word to each other. That's good people watching.

There was also the kids near the front, who, with their painted faces and childlike faith, held their homemade sign as high as they could. It read as follows:

Win?
Impossible.
Lose?
Definitely.

Gotta love that. And even the Kiss Cam, as cheesy as it is, afforded some amusement. One poor guy's face said it all -- he's totally breaking up with her tonight.

Thanks to the aforementioned lateness, I missed Gaborik's goal, scored under two minutes in. I'll have to wait for the replay to see what possessed Clarke to hold someone 30 seconds into a game. I arrived at Le Can just in time to hear a roar from the crowd, but no horn. Inconclusive - no goal. Like I said, Liles tied it up, and Statsny got the game winner.

FINAL

Wild 1
Avs 2

The other half (I hate it when girls preface every statement with "My husband...", so from here on out we'll call him "Ludwig") is out of town tonight, seeing The Chariot in Colorado Springs, so I'm going watch hockey, pack, and eat my weight in BBQ potato chips. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

30 March 2007

I'll Just Close My Eyes For a Minute...

The Game: Avs at Coyotes

...said the exhausted Satanella as she gathered her thoughts after last night's game. I conked out immediately and dreamt that I brought a cheeseball (something I have never partaken of in my life) to work, not knowing that inside it was a huge spider waiting to terrorize my office. I think I need a day off.

I started the game at 221B Baker St. Pub. Great grub, Happy Hour from 2-9 during the week and ALL DAY Sunday, and there's a little outdoor ice rink just outside. For the record, I recommend doing your drinking after your skating...

Pregame, I see Parker being interviewed at some fancy restaurant. He looks a little out of place (in a good way) with his black t-shirt (Western Canada's Toughest - an extreme fighting competition?) and full sleeves of tattoos.

Parker is in tonight, as Laperriere injured his groin in practice. With Lappy out, the Arnason line gets changed up. Stastny-Arnason-Hejduk results in a Hejduk goal, then it's Wolski-Arnason-Svatos (who seemed to be on fast forward, by the way). McLean scores with Stasty and Hejduk. Glad to see Stastny pick up points; everyone seems to have already forgotten his 20 game streak.

Intermission. Cut to Hejduk working the pick-up window at Arby's. What? He confesses to never having had a job, and cites steak as the food he would eat exclusively if he had to. Altitude guy Keefe seems offended that a professional athlete has a higher metabolism than a guy who sits and reads a teleprompter.

Wolski-Arnason-Svatos score again, then Sakic assists Richardson. With the 1580th point, Sakic passes Ray Bourque on the all-time scoring list. How far will he go? Top five? Top three?

More interesting trivia: the '59 Leafs clinched the last playoff spot from 7 points behind with 5 games remaining. Is that supposed to be encouraging?

By this time, everyone knows that the Flames won again. Iginla got a hat trick, even. But I guess the Avs thought their 4-0 lead was cushy enough to take a break. In the third period, the Coyotes narrowly missed tying the game in the last minute. This afforded me the debatable privilege of hearing the HOOOWL three times. One more reason I'm glad I don't live in Phoenix!

FINAL

Avs 4
Coyotes 3

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

28 March 2007

Hockey is Remotely Involved

In general, I am not a fan of the "heartwarming sports film" genre. Therefore, I am happy to present a mildly hockey related movie that might just be interesting:





Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Thank You, Hockey Jesus

Steven Colbert, comic personality and inspiration for the Saginaw Spirit Hockey Club's mascot Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle, just looked up a word in the dictionary on national television twice, and proceeded to challenge Sean Penn to a battle of metaphors. Might he be the perfect man? I don't know...he's got some pretty strong competition:



And you wonder how the Sedin twins came about. Now you know. Trained by Jesus himself.

In other news, NHL hockey players recently weighed in on a variety of important matters. 19 out of the 283 players said that if they could play for any other NHL team, they would play for the Wings. This is the only reason I can fathom for the phenomenon. 14 would play for the Avs. Excellent choice.

6 players would least like to be traded to the Wings, while only 1 so despises the Avs.

Although players (and I) agree that Detroit is significantly more threatening than the Avs to play on the road, they also agree (by the astounding margin of 166, or 63%) that Sakic is BY FAR the most respected player in the league. Amen to that, hockey Jesus.

Jose Theodore barely makes the "Most Overrated Player in the NHL" list, but that's enough for me.

Statsny should have gotten at least one vote for the player under 22.

Apparently Detroit has better ice. I'll never know. [whispering] Please don't make me go there, hockey jesus! I promise I'll be good...

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

27 March 2007

Lesson Learned: Even Theodore is Better than No Goalie at All

The Game: Avs vs. Canucks

So, I still haven't been able to sit down and watch the last Avs/Canucks matchup. However, I understand that I owe McLean an apology for abusing him after his confusing appearance in the previous shooto
ut. Said Coach Q of Stastny's absence, "He was next." Pregame, I learn that McLean is deserving of congratulations not just for his first multi-goal game since 2003, but for becoming a father within three hours of returning home from Vancouver yesterday morning.

Theodore is in net, after successfully taking over for Budaj on Sunday. I know Theo is capable of greatness, but I get nervous when I see him lurking between the posts. Looking back at the schedule, I find that, since January, he has started 6 of 38 games. 5 of those 6 were losses, including one in which Theo was pulled in favor of Budaj. Conversely, 4 times Theo replaced Budaj. 3 of those 4 were also losses. Now, I know a loss isn't just about the goaltending. Nonetheless, these are telling numbers.


It looked like Theodore was going to have an easy night at first. Over seven minutes before the Canucks got a shot on goal. And Skrastins is officially back. Sweet. On the other hand, every night seems to be an easy night for Luongo.

At Intermission, I can't help but be struck by an (admittedly shallow) observation: Altitude "personality" (ahem) Joe Brown could not possibly use any more hair gel. His hair is a glossy obsidian helmet. Not the flowing near-mullet that is aging hockey hair. Here -- see what I mean?



In the second, I grab tonight's Colorado beer. Blue Moon Spring Ale. It's an Amber Wheat made with Keffir lime juice and rind. Straight out of the refrigerator, it almost has a Sprite-y feel at the back of your throat. As it warms up, you can really taste the zest. Kind of a sour aftertaste. I would try it again. With limes, and either Mexican or Thai food. Mmm.

Liles gets punched in the face, Sakic gets tripped, and the Avs' seemingly endless glut of power play opportunities begins. They went 0 for 5. Luongo is great, but that's nuts.

Sakic and Klee both go to the box and Salo immediately scores. Fitzpatrick is an ASS. Just as he finishes serving his penalty, as Theodore is heading off the ice, he scores. Daniel Sedin with another empty-netter. I'm switching to vodka.

FINAL

Canucks 3
Avs 0

Calgary won, too. Damn. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

24 March 2007

A Swedish Documentary About Hockey-Playing Feminists in India

...otherwise known as The Holy Grail.

See the "Thin Ice" trailer:


And visit the website and blog here.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

23 March 2007

It's Cool, I Didn't Need Those Fingernails Anyway

The Game: Avs at Oilers

I need a cigarette. I don't know why that sounds soothing. A nice Djarum Black is probably the only thing on earth that could make my stomach less settled than it is. Nothing like a stressful game to rearrange one's internal organs.

The Avs went into this game hoping for a repeat of Wednesday, starting the Arnason/Laperriere/Richardson line that was so successful. But the Oilers came out really strong, and a lot more physical than earlier in the week, as evidenced by an early rush on Vaananen.

Richardson scores, assisted by Laperriere. Apparently kisses are only in order when Lappy is assisted, rather than when he assists.

At the end of the 1st, Sakic takes a rare penalty, and makes an even rarer fuss about it. He's pissed. Incidentally, this is his 200th consecutive game. I have to wonder if he's just good at hockey, or amazing all around. Is there anything he's bad at? Maybe he can't swim, or is afraid of spiders or something. He can't be Christ, because I'm totally not ready for the end. Although Christ coming back as a Canadian would be an interesting twist in an already convaluted tale. Back to the game already.

The 2nd begins with the Avs on a brief power play left over from the 1st, and Sakic scores! Hemsky, back from an injury, answers with a wrap-around goal that hits Budaj's skate as he tries to close the gap and goes in. The goal lights a fire under the Oilers, and the Avs are scrambling. I keep looking up, thinking, "Did I miss something? Are the Oilers on the power play?" It was something to see. The Oil has fight left after all. Sykora confirms it when he ties the game at 2-2.

The Avs end the 2nd with a power play, and Rolli is...is it too cheesy to say "on a roll?" The crowd is chanting for him. Hell, I could cheer for him. The Avs, Stastny in particular, are getting some great shots on goal, and a hell of a lot of them. Rolli robbed Stastny at least three times for sure.

I missed the first 5 minutes of play in the 3rd. I know that was irresponsible of me. Looking for houses (read: asbestos-ridden shanties in the ghetto because I'm broke) is time consuming. Somewhere in there, Svatos got a power play goal, putting the Avs in the lead.

Finger is visibly hurt. Arnason is named the "Man of Stihl." He's had significant success against Edmonton this season, for whatever reason, and I suppose that equates him to a chainsaw or a weed-eater.

With less than two minutes in regulation, Lupul gets a freaking goal. Unbelievable. OT flies by. I am reminded of the very first Avs game I attended (73 days ago, on January 9. Red Wings Suck!) when a little boy seated behind me cried to his father, "Daddy, I don't want to go to the shootout. I'm AFRAID TO LOOOOOOOSE!"

The shootout. Hemsky misses. Rolli makes a save on Svatos. Sykora misses. Save on Hejduk. Budaj saves on Pisani. Not even Sakic can get past Roloson.

You've got to be kidding me. I am running in place and I want to throw up.

Budaj gets the save on Lupul. Then who comes out for the Avs? MacLean. WHAT THE HELL? NO, SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE HELL? Yeah. He scored on his only shootout try. But where's Stastny? Doesn't he want to get that goal Rolli denied him all night? What about Liles? Hell, Guite, Brunette, even Laperriere. But MacLean? Is there some reason for this choice that I in my vast ignorance am not taking into consideration? Of course, MacLean misses. Reasoner scores on Budaj, and rookie Wolski can't answer.

[Insert under-my-breath utterances regarding MacLean]

FINAL

Avs 3
Oilers 4

I think I mentioned that I am broke. Hence, the comparative silence on the Colorado beer front. Recently, Ramen made a reappearance in my household. Now that's broke. But I classed it up with some peanut sauce. Anyhow, I thought it appropriate to get a paper bag-clad 40oz. to go with my dinner of Satanella's Seriously Evil Broke-Ass Chex Mix. The closest local example I could find was a 22oz. Avalanche. It's not new to HIFL...read my extensive archives.

Satanella's Seriously Evil Broke-Ass Chex Mix

6 cups Rice Chex (you and I both know it's the off-brand)
2 cups Snyder's Honey Mustard & Onion Pretzel Pieces
2 cups New York Style Mini Garlic Bagel Chips
5 Tbs. Butter
5 Tbs. Worchestershire sauce
Cholula, garlic powder and onion salt to taste

Heat oven to 250 degrees. Melt butter, add sauces and spices. Whisk. Add cereal, etc. Stir to coat. Bake, stirring every 15 minutes. Spread on foil to cool. Store. Take to work and stress eat before teaching middle schoolers about the physics of dance. Shovel by the fistful during hockey games. Great as a salty complement to mixed beverages. Pretty much great all the time.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

21 March 2007

Oil: "Ugh. I Threw Paper!" Avs: [shrug] "I Threw A Rock."

The Game: Avs at Oilers

The title is a reference to a Budweiser commercial, useful only for the purposes of tonight's game commentary, and not for persuading me to drink the product. I might if this was still Bud's ad campaign, though:



Can't imagine why they scrapped that gem. Anyhow, the whole allusion is merely to demonstrate that by winning by such a large margin against the Oilers at home tonight, after such a devastating losing streak and their official elimination from the playoffs, the Avs have added insult to injury.

Three weeks ago, it looked like we would be weeping and gnashing our teeth here in Denver, too. Luckily, things have looked up. But I, for one, empathize with the Oil to an extent, and really don't relish kicking a man while he's down. Unless that man is a Red Wing.

That said, sorry Oilers. Sakic will probably send a fruit basket or something when this is all over. And it may yet be that someone kidnapped the team and replaced them with the Tulsa Oilers. This is all a big misunderstanding, and your guys are really threshing wheat in Oklahoma.

Pregame, Liles refutes McNab's assertion that he is the "Quarterback of the power play." He admits to bringing the puck down the ice, and being able to read what's going on in front of the net. Having not seen Liles play much before his foot injury, I've often found myself wondering what the buzz was about. While he was out, Skrastins was the guy who kept the puck in the zone. And he did it well. Not really a goal scorer so much, but attentive. I'm looking forward to seeing them both on the ice again.

Kyle Keefe interviews Arnason while he moves snow around with a front-end loader. Arn likes country music. Damn. But the interview on the whole was better than when Keefe took Turgeon to Coors Brewery, where Pierre confessed that he doesn't like beer, and Keefe proceeded to ask him whether or not he used shampoo.

Within five minutes, the Avs are up by 2. Lappy (assisted by Arnason) and Sakic.

Altitude Network is broadcasting live from Jackson's, a bar in Westminster. At Intermission, commentator Blake Olson is flanked by Coors girls. When asked what prizes were up for grabs tonight, one of the girls, teeth and abs gleaming, proudly proclaims: "A Jose Theodore signed stick and jersey!"

*cricket...cricket*

Laperriere and Arnason score again in the 2nd, and Arnason is rewarded for the assist not only with a point, but with a nice juicy kiss from "the nose." Liles scores on the power play. Wolski has a good chance, but there's a mess at the net, and one of the Oilers (couldn't see his jersey) gets in his face. Wolski just shakes his head. He's a lover, I guess. Clark, and Bruno with his second assist, make it 5-0.

At second Intermission, watching clips from the Sabres game, I am totally jealous of their announcer. GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL! He's very...rock opera. Maybe this guy is moonlighting:



Thoresen scores a short handed goal which proves to be the Oil's only. Lappy gets in a fight, which is almost as good as a hat trick. Can't that be the "Lappy Hat Trick?" I guess realistically the Lappy Hat Trick would be three fights.

FINAL

Avs 5
Oilers 1

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

20 March 2007

The Name(s) of the Game Vol. 1

A brief perusal of team rosters afforded me this list of players with mildly amusing names. When I know more about them, perhaps others' monikers will prove as ironic. One has to question whether one's name has any influence over one's career choice, etc. And I don't mean in the football way where people name their kid "Touchdown" or something.

Gotta start with the Avs. Newly called Finger, for example. Talk about a name that comes with complimentary torture. I'm sure there's nothing he hasn't heard. But I hope he doesn't mind that I will be one of possibly two people shouting "Give 'em the Finger!" at the Pepsi Center. And recently aquired Wall. A goalie named Wall? Or a Wall destined for goaltending? We'll see.


Snout: You can never bring in a wall. What say you, Bottom?

Bottom: Some man or other must present Wall: and let him have some plaster, or some loam, or some roughcast about him, to signify Wall; and let him hold his fingers thus, and through that cranny shall Pyramus and Thisby whisper.

A Midsummer Night's Dream. My favorite. And Wall will probably grow loam, whatever the hell that is, before Budaj gives him occasion to play.

Next, the Blue Jackets' Jason Chimera. First thought: Mission Impossible II. Way to be a virus. Better: mythical monster circa Homer's Iliad, "a thing of immortal make, not human, lion-fronted and snake behind, a goat in the middle, and snorting out the breath of the terrible flame of bright fire." Cool.

Oiler Marty Reasoner's name is really only funny when you juxtapose the intellectual connotation with his picture:



Ooh. Not his brightest-looking moment.

The Wild has a promising "Player in the System" by the name of Clayton Stoner. From what I understand, whether or not he ends up in the NHL depends largely on the brownies.

As a matter of course, I am partial to Islander Miroslav Satan. Again, it's got to be old for him. But it's new to me! Muahahaha...

Finally, there's the Flyers' Simon Gagne. Everyone probably knows this already, but this one is another example of a name predicting the future of its owner. Conjugating gagner or "to win" in French, one arrives at "gagne" in "je gagne," or "I win," and "il/elle gagne," or "he/she wins." No pressure, though. Geez.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

19 March 2007

Sneaking a Post in at Work...MMMMM, I'm Telling...

The Game: Avs vs. Sharks

The Bad News: my computer crapped out. It's dead. R.I.P.

The Good News: At least there's hockey on. Hockey cures all ills.

Before the game, it's announced that the Stanley Cup is 115 years old. Happy Birthday, Cup! 1892 - a good year. Color photography, Edna St. Vincent Millay, and The Nutcracker. Well, maybe not that last one.

Budaj and Nabokov are in net. The only Nabokov I know anything about is...



...this guy, of Lolita fame. Good book. Disturbing, but good.

Svatos is in. Skrastins is still out. Interestingly, Parker is a healthy scratch. Too early to play his former team?

Several players warm up with pink sticks to support breast cancer research, but Laperriere is the only player to use his throughout the game. That's cool.

Despite all the pregame talk of keeping the Sharks off the power play and wrangling Thornton, a hooking call puts Hejduk in the box and Thornton scores. The Avs respond with a PP goal of their own, though, when Arnason gets credit for a tip.

The Sharks score twice within five minutes of the 2nd. It doesn't look too grim, though, because the guys are working their asses off. It pays off when Liles gets a beautiful rebound and makes it a one-point game again.

A cross check on Arnason and a stick to Hejduk's face make for a 5 on 3. When the Avs don't tie it up there, I get nervous. Flashbacks from about a month ago. But Brunette SCOOOORES! Whew. Then I'm nervous again, because Sakic gets sent to the box for hooking. The only thing worse than giving the Sharks a power play in the last couple of minutes of a tie game is not having Sakic on the ice to kill the penalty! But they do...holy crap.

The kicker: Cheecho takes a boarding penalty, and has a FIT in the box. The penalty carries over into OT, of course, and before I can say, "Gimme another Smithwick's," Hejduk GOOOOOOOOAL!!! It was a thing of beauty.

FINAL

Sharks 3
Avs 4

The Avs are now within 4 points of Calgary. WHAT? Assuming the Flames stay idle, and the Avs can extend the Oilers' losing streak from 10 to 12 games, they might earn a playoff berth yet.

In other news, the Sabres lost. Probably came as much as a shock to them as to the actual buffalo who got loose in a neighborhood near my apartment and had to be "dealt with" by Animal Control.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Everyone Knows God Created Beer...

The Game: Avs at Coyotes

...to keep the Irish from taking over the world. But did he anticipate that it would cause them to write belated game recaps in ill-conceived limerick?

This St. Patrick's Day game also happened to fall on opening night at the ballet. So, by the time I got away from the theatre, Denver was drunk, and I'd missed most of the game.

A case of Guinness, a case of Harp, and a case of Smithwick's precluded the purchase and/or storage of any Colorado beer. Turns out the guys did alright without me. I settled in for the replay with my chilled pint glass and waxed poetic...

We called up a young lad called Finger,
A right rough-and-tumble bell-ringer,
He doesn't abide
Phoenix playing offsides,
And they fight like they're on Jerry Springer.

Paul Stastny increases his streak,
The rookie who won't take a break,
Not a tooth in his head,
He surpasses his dad
Breaking records set by the Nordiques.

You'd be daft to count out Super Joe,
The humblest player you know,
A slap of his wrist,
and Joseph is pissed,
'Cause the Avs are now up 2 and 0.

I fell asleep shortly thereafter...probably a good thing for all of us.

FINAL

Avs 6
Coyotes 3

Erin Go Bragh! Slainte! Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

14 March 2007

Walkin' On Sunshine...Whoooaa...And Don't it Feel GOOD!

The Game: Avs vs. Flames

The boys are back in town, and it was a gorgeous day on a variety of levels. It's beautiful out. A day for open windows. I went skating. Had the best BBQ in town. Only worked a little, but got a lot done. Good company. Good game. Good day.

Sakic is honored in a pregame ceremony for his 600th goal, which he scored against Calgary a while ago. Don't know why they waited this long...unless it takes a particularly long time to fashion a silver hockey stick. The stick was presented to Sakic by former Nordique and Av Curtis Leschyshyn. Joe kissed his wife and kids before accepting it, and I thought for a minute there that he might give his former teammate a peck. No dice.

Just over a minute in Sakic scores! Not with the silver stick. He's 16th now on the All-Time NHL goal scorer list.

Much of the rest of the game was spent alternately thanking and cursing goal posts. And thinking, "Damn, Kiprusoff is good. If Kip were Theo we would have 9 goals by now."

The Flames racked up two power play goals by the end of the 1st, courtesy of Iginla and Yelle. I didn't know Yelle was an Av. Tapeleg: "Everyone was an Av." Oh.

In the 2nd, after an uneventful Av power play, a couple of the "Avs' Better Halves" announce their fundraiser. I can see that the guys are dating/married to them for their huge...hearts.

Another Av power play, and HEJDUK SCORES! Tie game. The Duke. When Stastny scores in the 3rd, he extends his point streak to 19 games. I wonder what would happen if it was just Sakic, Stastny and Budaj against Iginla, Tanguay and Kiprusoff. Is that like asking whether Superman would beat Batman, etc.? I've been around enough nerds (self included) in my life to know that conversation leads nowhere.

By this point, the Avs have outshot the Flames 40-17. After killing a penalty, Calgary gets a chance to tie it up in the final minutes when Klee gets called on slashing. But...they don't. BURN! Oh, that's kinda ironic. Heh.

FINAL

Flames 2
Avs 3

DISCLAIMER: Before I dole out my first truly negative review of a Colorado beer, I confess I probably marred the sample by having an absolutely perfect pint of Guinness this afternoon. Not many beers can follow Guinness. And, though I live in Colorado, I'm Irish first.

That said, I'm not a fan of Tommyknocker Brewery's (Idaho Springs, CO) Butt Head Doppelbock Lager. It's like a Porter or a Stout, but without the creaminess. Overpowering. I didn't get the "caramel sweetness" the label touts. Then again, I was eating Shells 'n' Cheese with it.

P.S. Butt Head. Because of the intense flavor. Not Butthead. There are rams butting heads on the label, not a picture of Gary Bettman.

At any rate, this is a beer I probably won't revisit. Now, to get the taste out of my mouth:



It's appropriate. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

11 March 2007

@%$&*%.

The Game: Avs at Wild

After watching Detroit lose this morning, I thought the planets might have been aligned for a sixth win in a row for the Avs.

Four Av penalties kept them shorthanded for almost half of the 1st. While Vaananen sat for cross checking, Koivu scores. The Avs tie it up with a power play goal of their own when Hejduk gets one in. Stastny assists, of course, and breaks Teemu Selanne's rookie point streak record. 18 games! He also leads in road game point streaks. The Toothless Wonder strikes again!

In the 2nd, more penalties. Vaananen and Laperriere get into mild scrums, each resulting in 4 on 4 play. A ballsy Schultz delivers a huge check on Sakic. Where is Parker? Lappy? Finger? Bueller?...Bueller...? Sakic can take care of himself, but I bet even Schultz was surprised that he didn't get heat for that move.

Cutting to commercial, the camera focuses on two potbellied fans wearing jerseys they had cut and sewn to be half Avs and half Wild. Amusing. Had to worry about that seam, though. No fitted jerseys for those two...

Second Intermission. Altitude, I want to love you. But then you go and do this:



OK, I know it's nerdy, but I live for this stuff. I mean, it's one thing to find errors on menus or something, but this is priceless. The LA Kins. I love it.

In the 3rd, Lappy scores, and within 30 seconds Koivu does AGAIN. Ugh. Thought I could rest for just a second...But no. Stastny goes to the box for interference, and his penalty carries into OT. Suddenly, I have no scruples about drinking at 3:00 in the afternoon.

You know what happens next. Don't make me say it. A point is a point, but that one stung.

FINAL

Avs 2
Wild 3

The Beer du Game was Pinstripe Red Ale from Ska Brewing Company in Durango, CO.



Beer, Ska, and scooter enthusiasts since 1995, the company also makes an Organic Double Chocolate Stout that I'd like to try. This ale is smooth and pretty straightforward. Love is listed as an ingredient. I need some right now.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

08 March 2007

Stastny for Rookie of the Year, Sakic for President

You heard me.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

07 March 2007

Beat Down in Bean Town, Five-in-a-Row in Buffalo

The Games: Avs at Bruins, Avs at Sabres

I had to put in a good twelve hours at work yesterday, prompting me to ask the other half to tape the game. He's learning quickly - he took advantage of my obsession to get the DVD recorder he's been wanting. Next thing you know, he'll finally convince me to let him get speakers for our TV, which rests approximately ten feet from our couch. I always thought that was a ridiculous prospect. But the sound of the game...you know.

Coming into last night's game, both the Avs and the Bruins were at 69 points in their respective conferences, although the Bruins were 4 points from a playoff berth, whereas the Avs were holding steady at 9.

Appropriately, the game was equally even for the first two periods of play. Good shots on both sides, and even better goaltending. Power plays and penalty kills, the same. Wolski would have had a goal had the net not busted out of place.

Liles refers to Budaj as "Boodz" at Intermission. Aww. "My Budaj, My Budaj, My Bu-daj and me!" If you don't get that, you aren't a child of the 80s. Not to say that's a bad thing...

Clark is awarded a controversial goal in the third - the Bruins contend that MacLean made Thomas unable to make a save. It's not reviewed, though. I'm OK with that.

In the end, Stastny gets his 16th point in a row and ties his father's rookie point streak with an assist on Hejduk's empty netter. SHUT OUT! The Avs' recent five-game homestand was a debacle. Now that their on the road for another five, they're playing some serious hockey. They definitely aren't giving up. If anything, having the odds stacked against them has really spurred them on. There's something to be said for that.

FINAL

Avs 2
Bruins 0

I missed the first few minutes of tonight's matchup against the Buffaslugs, as I was just getting home from a grueling day of doing my civic duty. More on that later. I stumbled in, cussed the unfamiliar remote, and settled in with my notepad and a slice of cold pizza. Hockey and beer might make me fat. Incidentally, the other half recently mentioned as much, to my chagrin and his eternal misfortune.

I missed a Buffalo goal, and apparently Kaleta passing on a fight with Lappy. Probably a good idea on his part. He also steers clear of Parker when "The Sheriff" bats down Hecht (McNab yells, "And the Sheriff sends him to the next county!") after Guite takes a huge hit. Parker just might be awesome. I'm looking into his enforcing history. So far, I've found this: he has a magical beard that absorbs hits. And it gives him strength like Samson's hair did. If this were Ancient Persia, Parker could totally knock down pillars and stuff. Barring injury, that is. [Fingers crossed...]

Speaking of Finger, he's had some great checks himself, and he and Parker are, combined with the team's healthy desperation, encouraging players like Guite, etc. to be more physical and a little ornery. This could be a good thing. Or not. What the hell do I know? I just like it.

Stastny assists "The Duke" on a short-handed goal to tie both the game and Teemu Selanne's rookie consecutive point streak record! He's now on a 17 game point streak, 4 points from NHL Rookie of the Year favorite Malkin, and 11 from top-scoring Av Sakic.

Interjection: I just stepped away to see ESPN's hockey recap. I don't know why. They can't pronounce Wolski's name, and only mention Stastny's league-leading streak as an ineffective segue to the hit on Kaberle.

MacLean scores, and Briere and Pominville tie the game at 2-2 before the 2nd Intermission. It is worth mentioning that the Sabres finally have Drury back after that crazy hit. Good for them, but his only shot on goal was gloved by Budaj-cakes. That's what I call him now, in the privacy of my home. And in the privacy of this blog that most visitors only occasion by accident.

In the 3rd, Sakic assists Wolski, passing Doug Gilmour in All-Time Assists. This is amusing to me, as I recently posted footage of Sakic kicking Gilmour's ass.

Wolski's goal ends up the game winner, though Quenneville continues to work Sauer after a brief grounding. Clark takes a hit, and in the interest of keeping the puck in the opposing zone during the final minutes, gloves it into center ice as he falls. It's a level of hardcore-ness that I have not seen yet, and celebrate.

FINAL

Avs 3
Sabres 2

The Avs are now only 6 points away from catching the Wild...Interesting. Let's Go Avs!

Beer. Laughing Lab, from Bristol Brewery in Colorado Springs. I'm SO glad I don't have to excuse my choice due to losses. Laughing Lab is good, especially when you're happy. Not that I have tested it in other circumstances. It's probably still good. But not AS good. Lab is an award-winning Scottish-style Ale, and it does, I admit, present itself as 1) easy enough to drink as to make one laugh, and 2) easy enough to drink as to make one frolic in the way of the carefree Labrador. I am frolicking right now. Not really. Well, maybe. Last night, it was the last thing in the world I needed to recover from caffeine crash. Tonight, it was just what the [court] ordered.

I am listening to the " O Brother, Where Art Thou?" soundtrack now, and need to jump on the bed and process having divested a fellow American woman of her immediate freedom today.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

05 March 2007

If I Were A Hockey Player...

I can't stop! There's nothing like defeating the Red Wings (and mediocre Colorado vodka) for fueling an ill-advised blog-'til-dawn-fest.

Everyone who's anyone in the hockey blog world has filled out this questionnaire. Most of them were important people, and were thus asked to fill it out for the edification mankind. I, however, just feel like it. Also, I am drunk.

I fully comprehend that in doing so, I am equating myself with every teenage boy who buys a guitar and thinks he can play "Stairway to Heaven." A girl can dream, right? Ask me again in six months when I know what I'm talking about, but am still drunk. Ok?

Team: Colorado Avalanche. After a humbling stint in the CHL with the Tulsa Oilers. (Who recently got demolished in no uncertain terms by the Colorado Eagles. 9-1. You read it right.)

Number: 17. The craziest year of my life to date. If I can go through all that, I can get the puck in the fucking net. Ooh, sorry. Like I said...the vodka.

Position: Cheeky! Oh, wait. Right Wing.

Nickname: The Devil, She-Devil, The Evil One, The Princess of Darkness, "Wait...there's a GIRL on the team!!!"

Dream Linemate(s): Sakic, without question. That is, if I could get over the fact that I was on the line with Joe Sakic and stop tracing the letters on his jersey and trying to touch his hair. Besides that, I have every confidence that he can perform LASIK surgery with his wrist shot. 600 times.

Rounding out the PP: Can I say Sakic again? Ok, Ok! Give me a break. I'm new to this, I have freaking JOE SAKIC on my team, and I'm (do I really need to say it again?) drunk. To stay loyal to the current team, I'll say Stastny. It's in his genes, and he's amusing to boot.

Job: Unlikely Enforcer. You'd never expect a check, or much less, a punch, from someone who just corrected your grammar. Shows what you know.

Signature Move: The King Lear. I act like I'm insane, and then do something really profound. So there. For those of you who read my Hockey/Lear posts, here's a hilarious interpretation of Lear I actually approve of, courtesy of SuperDeluxe.com:




And/or the Temptress: Where I score a goal and press myself against the glass. And lick it.

Strengths: Irish temper, only-child attachment, Revenge of the Nerds attitude, being the only girl on the team.

Weaknesses: Irish temper, only-child attachment, Revenge of the Nerds attitude, being the only girl on the team.

Injury Problems: It's not my problem that people don't like it when I injure them. That's their problem.

Equipment: Nothing special. Nothing pink. If I really have a choice, I'd say something that protects me when I check guys, but doesn't completely disguise the goods so they can "check" me. If you know what I mean. You do. I can tell.

Nemesis: Any and/or all Red Wings. Anyone who realizes I'm a girl. Anyone who even LOOKS at Sakic funny. Are you kidding me? Don't even think about it. You're dealing with a teacher, who also happens to be the Devil. You get an "F," and you're deposited in the 9th circle of Hell. Way to go, chump.

Scandal Involvement: This is fantasy, right? Ok, I sleep with some people. But it's not a scandal, because you never know about it. Also, I send some people to the 9th circle of Hell. But you only know about that because 1) you are the media, and 2) you are there, too.

Who do I face in the Stanley Cup Series? The Red Wings, if they were the current Avs and I were the 1996 Avs.

What do I do with the Cup after winning it? Give people a chance to touch it if they buy season tickets to the ballet.

Does the media love or hate me? Both. They love me because I'm always willing to talk. They hate me because they can't print what I say, because newspapers are moribund and useless wastes of paper. They love me because I am passionate about the game. They hate me because when they ask "How important was this game?" I ask, "Well, did you watch it? Because if you did, you'd probably have something more interesting to ask about it." Bloggers love me, and I love them. Because I can say anything to them, and they can write it. And I honestly don't think I would be offended the first 100 times I was asked "Who on the team would you most like to 'do'?" As if you'd have to ask.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella, #17

04 March 2007

An Addendum, A Discovery

The following is borne out of my determination to find a look-alike for one or more of my boys who is (or was) actually a celebrity. This is arguably the most indulgent departure from game recaps. Also, I am drunk.

Arnason show
ed up again tonight, thank God. I can't find the right picture to demonstrate it, but he has facial expressions that strongly resemble:



Emilio Estevez, circa the "Brat Pack" days.

However, I may have unearthed something even more interesting in my search -- wanna know who Arnason DOESN'T look like?



Himself, circa 2001. Ugh. Why, Tyler? WHY?

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Damn, it Feels Good to be a Gangsta

The Game: Avs at Red Wings

[SCREAMING, JUMPING, AIR GUITAR]

The last Avs at Detroit game I wrote about was a humiliating spectacle. Luckily, tonight's was a better game, and this will undoubtedly be a better post.


I taped the game this morning, as I had to be at the theatre for a good part of the day. I wore my jersey, which only served to make my delayed gratification more stressful...I was terrified that someone was going to ruin the outcome of the game for me. And it's the Wings. By the time I got home, I needed a drink. Cue the...



VODKA MADE IN COLORADO??? Why yes! And are those shot glasses made of ice, you ask? Right again! The ultimate Avalanche shot, to be indulged in upon every Av goal.

Now, detractors might say that the Avs won today because the Wings were without Zetterberg and Hasek, as well as newly aquired goon Bertuzzi. But they had Datsyuk and Lidstrom. And the Avs may have Sakic and NHL Rookie of the Month Stastny (15 game point streak), but they didn't play Parker, and they're without both Iron Man defenseman Skrastins and...this guy:



"Look who's go-ot a Farrah do! Don't you wish you had one too?"

With 9 seconds left in the 1st, Clark earns Holmstrom a penalty shot. HE DOESN'T GET IT! He takes it out on Sauer, and the game remains scoreless into Intermission.

In the 2nd, mic'd up Rycroft busts on the refs for not calling a high stick he took. As the blood travels from his forehead to his chin, he wonders aloud, "Am I cut bad?" Trainer: "No, it's not bad." That's just awesome.

The rest of the first ten minutes are really about the announcers.

Mike Emrick: "[Detroit] is a very popular city in which to be Polish."

Eddie Osczyk (he's a poet and didn't know it): "Sauer has been a tower of power..."

Then he goes on to say what sounded like (honestly, I rewound the tape at least six times), "Hard, hard, hard on...that's what you want from Kurt Sauer." There may have been an imperceptible "'em" in there. Let's hope. Either way, either Eddie or I need to get laid.

Finally, at nine minutes, Stastny assists Hejduk on the first goal of the game, and we get to take our first (much needed) shot. As far as vodka goes...it's no Chopin. But it's better than Amsterdam or Popov, available for $8/liter at your local Likker Mart. It'll do. The bottle boasts that it contains "water that was born high atop the Rocky Mountains." Heh.

Wolski assists Arnason at just under six minutes, then Lidstrom gets one in on Budaj.

Just into the 3rd, Draper ties the game at 2-2. All of the sudden, the Wings are on fire. Budaj gets absolutely PEPPERED with shots, and turns into Stretch Armstong. Chelios almost gets one it, but Klee bats it out just in time. Whew.


MacLean makes it 3-2, and my tape ends. I put in the next. It's still 3-2. I only missed a couple of minutes of play. Hopefully nothing earth-shattering happened, like this:




Draper scores again, and the game goes to OT...RICHARDSON GOAL! OH MY GOD!!! The fourth shot is remarkably more palatable than the first. Ahhh.

FINAL


Avs 4
Red Wings 3

For tonight's purposes, an artistic and metaphorical representation of the Red Wings:



Now, I know I'm about ten hours later on this than other bloggers, but to anyone still celebrating out there -- can I get a RED WINGS SUCK?

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

02 March 2007

Outposts from a Hockey Lady of Mediocrity

Inspired by a recent Creative Challenge given to the HLOG, these aren't exactly celebrity look-alikes, but they're the best I could do with what I have...



Ken Klee, for example. Every time I see him I think of:



American Dad.

And Budaj, cherub-like in his own right,



kind of reminds me of:



Eddie Munster, God forbid!

Just to class things up a little, I'll say that Lappy --



Is strangely reminiscent of this self portrait...



Of/by Picasso. It's only appropriate, though. Who but Lappy would relate to Picasso, who made an Art out of rearranging faces?

Finally, there's Sakic.



And he can only be compared to...



Oh, yeah. That's right. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

01 March 2007

Brawling at Black Hawks, Breakfast Burritos and Beer

The Game: Avs at Black Hawks

What more does a girl need? Dinner was breakfast burritos, and beer was White Rascal from Avery Brewing Company in Boulder. It's a wheat, and boy is it a wheat. Compared to Blue Moon and Easy Street Wheat (two other Colorado beers I'll feature eventually), it's wheat-and-citrus-tastic. Rather than being a subtle wheat beer deserving of an orange slice, White Rascal conjures images of those old Florida Orange Juice commercials where the kid manages to pierce an orange with a stripy straw. But in this instance, there's wheat beer in the orange. It's unfiltered, and you can actually see the yeast at the bottom of the bottle. Excellent beer, but not in the easy-to-drink sort of way. I don't want to be forced to mark the spice in a brew every time I take a sip. But the citrus dominance allowed me to justify having beer with breakfast, so I can't hate too much.

Before the game, an off-roading interview with Brett Clark reveals that my Arnason is his away roommate. When asked what that's like, he cryptically replies, "You know, it's a learning experience." What does that mean? He also cites Klee as the one player he'd take to depend on on a desert island.

Just over a minute in, Ruutu scores on Budaj. But seconds later, Rycroft is having a go at Richmond! Newly reaquired Av Parker (aka "The Sheriff") stood nearby, and congratulated Rycroft in the box. Even gathered his gloves and stuff for him. I think I'm going to like this guy.

While Rycroft ices his punching hand, good ol' Peter McNab outlines the OppenheimerFunds Principles for Success. 1) Outwork Chicago, 2) Timely special teams, and 3) "Road warriors." It's amusing to me that Oppenheimer is also a sponsor for the ballet. I'd love to see those Principles for Success...1) Be willing to live on $50/week, 2) Train your body to contort from the age of 3, and 3) Don't get pregnant.

Richardson takes a shot (assisted by Finger) that is initially called a save, but almost two minutes of play later, it's reviewed and awarded to the Avs as a GOAL! McLean makes it 2-1 with a beautiful rebound.

It is observed that the Avs' success might be due in part to Havlat's Flu, which has divested him 10lbs. and landed him in the hospital. I sympathize -- the Hawks must be really strapped to have to play someone (even someone so valuable) so sick, but I'm inclined to give the Avs more credit than that.

In the 2nd, the video review is again a friend to the Avs. The Hawks are awarded a tie-up goal, and then it's taken away. Brutal. Liles covers the puck as his body is careening into the goal and shoves it away from the line, but because the puck itself isn't visible, there can't be a definitive decision.

The only other interesting thing from the 2nd was the commentary about Stastny's stick. It's remarkable that he kicks it old skool and uses wood. If this game had been broadcast on Versus, there would have been all manner of references to Stastny's wood...He learned how to use it from his father...You know what I mean. Those Versus drunkards are pervs. And you know you like it.

In the 3rd, yet another reviewed goal goes in favor of the Avs, giving Arnason his 14th. The puck hit his skate, but he wasn't actively kicking it...Whew! In the last two minutes, Klee gets an empty net courtesy of Sakic, and Rycroft and Finger add insult to injury.

Tonight was the night of the B list. Six goals, and all by underlings overshadowed by the great veterans (Sakic) and up-and-comers (Stastny, Wolski, etc.). Finger's was his first NHL goal, and his face was positively aglow. In a tough guy way, of course. I'm so excited about him. Reluctant to get my hopes too high, but excited. He's not afraid to be physical, but he's also got two assists and a goal. This bodes well on a variety of levels.

FINAL

Avs 6
Black Hawks 1

Post-game, clips from announcer Kyle Keefe's and Paul Stastny's trip to the Boys and Girls' Club of Colorado are hilarious. Girl: "Do you like tacos?" Stastny: "For sure." Then he proceeds to beat them at foosball, air hockey and arm wrestling. He is becoming my favorite...I have one jersey, a replica away that was the Item of the Game not long ago. I decided to wait out the trade deadline before getting it lettered, and now I have to make the fateful decision. Stastny, for obvious reasons, or Arnason, for personal ones? My eventual Sakic jersey will must needs be authentic. Maybe even a Nordiques.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

28 February 2007

"Did I Puke On My Jersey?"

The Game: Avs vs. Blue Jackets

My first words yesterday morning. Don't worry. I didn't.

On Monday, I decided to use my day off in the most productive way possible -- patronizing the state's largest liquor store. Go north on I-25 for about half an hour, or until the highway is littered with tumbleweeds (whichever comes first), and you'll find DaveCo Liquors, an establishment of airplane hangar proportions. It even has a humidor, which is unassailably cool.

I was determined to stock up on local goodies, and I did myself proud. In addition to a couple of microbrews I will feature very soon, I aquired a Cottonwood Cellars Cabernet Sauvignon vinted in Olathe, Colorado. I couldn't help but nip into it, as there was a double-header on Versus. It was actually pretty good, though it definitely needs to be decanted for a good three hours. But, given the result, I'm not sure if I should warn you off of Colorado wines or to insist that you UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES follow this particular one with vodka. I'm an Irish lass who can hold her sauce and who loves her vodka, and I've been broke enough for long enough to have steeled myself to the vilest versions out there. It may be that red wine just isn't my thing...

At any rate, I couldn't bring myself to drink for the Jackets game.

When Brunette (on a 12 game point streak) gets a PP goal in the 1st, it is announced that the Avs' power play is 3rd in the league. It seems like every game, Avs are breaking personal, franchise, or league records. So why aren't they winning games?

At Intermission, Giguere speaks to the trades. He highlights the Avs' lacks in goaltending and toughness. Everyone knows by now that May was traded for goalie Mike Wall. May: good riddance. But I'm curious about what Wall's presence means for Theodore (how to dump him?) and young Budaj, who has really come into his own this season. Also, we reaquired Scott Parker from the Sharks. He was an Av during the glory days, and he supposedly has an Avalanche tattoo. Two points in his favor. And he's a tough guy - but he's an injury risk! The Avs have plenty of great potential players who are riding the bench with various physical ailments. The last thing they need is another Leopold.

For this very reason, Finger and Cumiskey have been called up from Albany. I like Finger; he's a scrappy guy. And he gets his first NHL point with an assist on Stastny's (13 game point streak) 2nd period goal.

It's almost Budaj's 5th shutout (and the Jackets' 14th), but Columbus rallies in the final 2 minutes and scores twice.

FINAL

Blue Jackets 2
Avs 3

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella