Hockey is for Lovers

The Game: Food and Shelter vs. Hockey

2007-04-23T15:49:00.000-06:00

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Ok. The Avs are out. The Stars are out. And I just moved out. As of this week I will live in a house without appliances or a functioning bathroom, so I kinda need to focus on making sure I can eat, sleep, and...well, you know.

I'm still watching. Still reading. Writing? I'll see you next season.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Nyah, Nyah, Nyah

2007-04-13T21:39:00.000-06:00

The Game: Stars at Canucks, Game 2

Playoff demons? Whatever. I love me some Turco.

FINAL

Stars 2
Canucks 0

Why Dallas, you ask? Yeah, there is something of a healthy rivalry between Oklahoma (my home state) and Texas. OK is kinda like quiet, plain kid nobody really notices, and TX is like that kid's older, bigger brother. It seems like everything comes easy to him, and everyone likes even though he can be a real ass.

That said, Dallas would be my nearest NHL team were I ever to move home. Had the Penguins moved to KC...I would have had two, I guess. About the same distance in flat, uninteresting terrain.

Have you been to Dallas? It's cool. I've been a few times, and every time my friends and I go to the Magic Time Machine restaurant, where local starving actors and actresses go to wait tables while practicing their craft. They stay in character all night, even if it means being a total dick. And you can order a Roman Orgy from the menu.

Ludwig is out of town again, rocking out in the mountains. He plays bass. And Satanella? Watching hockey out of the corner of my eye while I study PLUMBING of all things. It's scary. Last night I fell asleep ranting nonsensically about tile. Lud woke me up mid-nightmare, thinking some guy on a motorcycle was about to crash through our bedroom wall. The best, though? I thought FOR SURE this morning that I had read on Kukla's Korne r that Theodore had resigned from the NHL. Ha!

Needless to say, I need sleep. Not sure how much of the next game I will catch. Just under two weeks until signing/move in/demolition day. I need to pack.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Who Did? Who Died?

2007-04-11T22:02:00.000-06:00

The Games: Penguins at Senators, Stars at Canucks (Game 1s - late post)

Potentially upsetting nearly everyone's predictions, the Pens died a slow, painful, and miserable death tonight. As if the whole youth and inexperience thing wasn't intimidating enough, this loss must be a psychological nightmare. It was the first time I've seen the Sens in action. They are good hockey. Although I think it would be good for hockey in general if The Crosby Show did well in the playoffs (today, his picture accompanied the only NHL-related link I've seen on Yahoo!'s front page), I won't be offended if the Senators take it. Questionable reffing and a good scrum make for an interesting non-Av playoff game. At first Intermission, I went to Whole Foods on a snack run, and overheard a lady saying, "...but I'm an Islander fan. And I still admit it!" Ha. To think that a year ago I would have had no idea what she meant.

FINAL

Penguins 3
Senators 6

Equally unexpectedly, the Stars DID tonight. Both they and the Canucks practically played two games, something I'm going to have to look into. Why does everyone hate the shootout again?

FINAL

Stars 4
Canucks 5

I have a love/hate relationship with commercials. I hate them for myriad reasons, but I love comparing who advertises where. The commercials you see during an episode of "Oprah" are radically different from those interrupting a show on MTV. Hockey fans, I suppose, are white males who take care of their homes, lawns, and...prostates. At least it seems that Quizno's has determined that their campaign was ill-directed for the audience, and pulled this gem:

Watch as the silent actress dies a little inside. It's probably just my imagination, but I think of her as one of those artists who was determined to sacrifice the quick road to fame, if it meant doing hemorrhoid and STD ads. And there she is, trying to retain her composure as another, less integrous female sets feminism back a couple of decades.

In other news, someone from Turkey recently found me by Google-ing "puke lovers." Further back, an unknown academe accessed me by researching "hockey players are good lovers." Interesting. Apparently HIFL is a booze-smelling alley in the hockey blogosphere. Shady and proud.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

If You Can't Say Something Nice...

2007-04-11T21:23:00.000-06:00

I may be preemptively compiling my farewell mix-tape for Jose Theodore, but I have to say that this is unbelievably cool:

What HAPPENED to you, Theo?

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

There Is Nothing Like A [Game]

2007-04-11T14:51:00.000-06:00

We got sunlight on the sand, we got moonlight on the sea
We got mangoes and bananas you can pick right off a tree
We got volleyball and ping-pong and a lot o' dandy [d]ames
What we ain't got? We ain't got GAMES!

We got nothin' to put on a clean white shirt for
What we need there ain't no substitute for
There is nothing like a GAME, nothin' in the world
There is nothing you can name that is anything like a GAME!

We feel restless, we feel blue, we feel lonely and in grief
We feel every kind of feeling but the feeling of relief
We feel hungry as the wolf felt when he met Red Riding Hood
What we don't feel? We don't feel good!

Lot's of things in life are beautiful but - brother
There is one particular thing that is nothing whatsoever
In any way, shape or form like any other
There is nothing like a GAME, nothing in the world
There is nothing you can name that is anything like a GAME...

I can't pinpoint when South Pacific lodged itself in my head. Perhaps it's Post-Season Stress Disorder, or insanity brought on by grief.

Must charge on, though. Sakic signed. I understand that it's a ceremonious occasion, but he made it pretty clear around trade time that he plans on sticking around. AND there's GAMES tonight. I'll be rooting for the Penguins and the Stars. Yes, the Stars. Because I CAN.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

This Is The End, Beautiful Friend

2007-04-08T21:11:00.000-06:00

The Games: Avs vs. Predators, Avs vs. Flames

Disclaimer: this post will be uninformative and inarticulate, because...

I am moving. Sorting through and packing up three years worth of two people's lives. Finally feeling free to get rid of those hideous unasked-for wedding presents, and memorabilia from college. I am stressed. Have to move in 19 days. Put an offer on a house today, for a comparatively modest (but ridiculous to me) sum of money. Will have to gut it, and live on soup from the hot pot for a while.

The Avs getting eliminated from the playoffs yesterday makes this time doubly poignant. Ah, the things we get attached to. Sometimes we hate them, sometimes they hurt us, but they are ours. As much as I hate this apartment, as I took down our art and pictures from the walls, it made me sad to see our home become sterile, lifeless, and utilitarian. Similarly, when the Preds scored that empty netter, I felt a little lonely, a little small, a little empty. I couldn't look at the guys' faces, it was too much.

That said, I'm glad it happened now. For the last two months, every game has been THE game. It has been the height of excitement and tension. The Avs were never coasting, there were no dispensable games. And the run they put together in that time was epic. A thing to see. Topped off by tonight's unfathomably satisfying win against the Flames, too.

I am proud of the guys. Budaj and Stastny surprised. Sakic continued to amaze. Brunette and Arnason had their best years in a while. The new guys (like Finger, and new/old guys like Parker) are promising additions to the team. And I love Laperriere for going out with a bang. NOTHING gives me more pleasure than that he kicked Phaneuf's stupid ass. I only wish I could have been there.

I can't help but look at the bright side of this. The Avs may not have made the playoffs, but the last couple of months have reestablished them as a formidable opponent. And I have no doubt that the sting of not making the playoffs for the first time in franchise history will make for an extra hungry next season. Look the hell out.

Also, I have to confess a certain amount of relief. I can watch the playoffs while I am refinishing walls and hardwood floors dating from 1927. I will learn more about other teams, but no game will be of particular concern to me. Without a doubt, I have developed a love for hockey and the Avs. But if the process of getting a house has induced stress-related spider-coming-out-of-cheeseball nightmares, I can't predict what tiling a bathroom and installing new siding will do.

One more thing. Avs fans have taken a lot of flack lately for having hope. That's a shame. There is nothing wrong with rooting for the underdog, and anyone who thinks otherwise doesn't get it. Especially when that underdog all of the sudden starts playing like it was raised by wolves!

I hope to continue to post as regularly as possible during the playoffs and off-season, but I'm not sure how soon I will have the computer/TV set up after the move. I will tell you to look forward to at least one post - I have hockey related plans for the first use of our new stove, whenever that happens.

Another thing. It has been an honor to be even remotely part of the community of hockey bloggers. There is nothing more inspiring to me (and nothing that I miss more about the "good old days" of school) than associating with passionate people. And you are interesting and intelligent, too. Thank you, if you are reading this. With only half a season under my belt, I know I am unworthy.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

I Believe

2007-04-06T00:39:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs at Canucks

Woooooaah. That is all. Just kidding.

A quick pregame glance. Laperriere + Shy children = Funny. Lappy: "How you doing? [reads her shirt] 'Mini Diva.' I like dat."

Hejduk scores 25 seconds in. Unbelievable! It's fast and furious until Brunette crashes into Luongo and seems to step on his junk (ahem, interfere with his crease). A goal off of Naslund's skate gets taken away...Lucky...

Extremely lucky, since Salo ties it up less than a minute later. But everyone is working hard, including the venerable Sakic, who spends his lion's share of ice time under tremendous pressure. After the Avs aren't able to capitalize on three fortuitous Canuck penalties, I write in my notes, "Hejduk still hot. Any other goalie, could have hat trick by now." I think back to his last...

My reverie is interrupted by another McNab gem, just before second Intermission: "...Their minds are working so hard inside those masks..."

Hejduk gets his hat trick in the third. Who called it? That's right. The next best thing to throwing some hats onto the ice:

In honor of "The Duke," the ducal coronet of the Master of the Royal Household of Scotland. And if that doesn't float his boat:

Nothing helps you relax after an impossible win like a couple of frosty...root beers? Riiight.

FINAL

Avs 3
Canucks 1

What could make this night better? Well, two things. Calgary lost to San Jose [taps fingertips repeatedly; maniacal sneer]. And, I went to a Guinness Believer event, drank copious amounts of free Irish beer, and added to my growing collection of Guinness family drinking paraphernalia:

The little spoons are for pouring Black and Tans. I don't drink them often enough to keep the thing on my keychain, though...

Happy Fan Appreciation Day, Vancouver! Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

It's Not Over 'Til...

2007-04-03T22:03:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs at Flames

This wasn't Altitude's (or the Flames') night. For the first ten minutes of play, only audio was available, accompanied by a still photo of the rink at Calgary. It made me think of those kitschy apartment-dwellers who invite company over for the holidays and put on a DVD of a burning yule log.

At last, the video feed was restored, and I didn't miss Phaneuf's first demonstration of douchebaggery [French for asshole-ness]. He trips Guite, and goes to the box. Friesen gets a short handed goal, and Clark responds with a PP goal less than one minute later.

At Intermission, Laperriere is asked what contributed to the last-minute resurgence. He 1) is disappointed/frustrated/amused at having been asked the same question 5,000 times (I wonder how they feel when asked, "How important was this game?"), and 2) explains that it took longer than expected for this group to "zhelle" as a team.

Then, not satisfied with earlier technical difficulties, Altitude introduces, begins to play, and promptly cuts a clip from next Saturday's Intermission report - a heartwarming look at Nashville's coach? On the other hand, I recently realized that I have underestimated Altitude personality Peter McNab. I thought he was a cheesy drunk, but now I know he's freakin' HARDCORE!

That's awesome. In the 2nd, it is announced that Budaj is the NHL's 1st Star of the Month. After the Flames score again, and Richardson and Stastny give the Avs the lead, I think, desperately, "they have to hold this for 24 minutes? Budaj has got to be a rock."

...Which takes me back to my Catholic school-girl days. Not in the Britney Spears way, in the Sister Act kind of way. Budaj has faith. He has faith in God, as well as in the God-given talent within himself and his teammates. I thank God, though, that he has the sense to thank inanimate objects like the posts. It occurs to me that his name is Peter. Of course. He is a Name of the Game. Not because his name is funny or unfortunate, like Hamrlik's, but because Peter means "rock," and [Hockey] Jesus told his beloved disciple of same name "you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it." Whoa. Deep.

In the 3rd, it becomes obvious that, since the Avs have taken the lead, I am not the only one who wants to turn the clock forward a bit. McNab starts counting down the minutes when there's still 13 left. Then he remarks the Avs' "high-energy calm." OK, he's still a drunk.

Luckily, Sakic scores. He's spent an unusually long amount of time on the ice tonight.

Phaneuf draws a second penalty on the Avs by taking the most obvious and laughable dive. He is officially a tool. I'm sorry. He is an idiot jerk who happens to play hockey well. Put that in your "just like me and you" ad campaign, NHL. Do I have enough posts under my belt to call him a "fucktard" or an "asshat?" Because I want to. A dive. Nice work, Coach PLAYFAIR!

Langkow scores. So maybe Budaj is some kind of porous rock. Whatever. He's young.

The horn sounds at the end of the game, to a resounding BOO from Calgary fans. My last note? An all-caps "SHUT UP, CALGARY!" Ugh. You are under my skin, and I don't like you. I can't put it down to the fact that you are Canadian, because my beloved Sakic is, too. I don't know what's wrong with you, but I am going to find out. Jerks.

FINAL

Avs 4
Flames 3

So, playoff hopes are still alive. Barely. It's too bad that these last three games are Vancouver, Nashville, and Calgary again. Oilers, save face and shame these guys. Sharks? Go JAWS on them. Avs...show them what happens to a flame in an AVALANCHE. I think you can.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

My Hex Didn't Work So Much

2007-03-31T23:15:00.000-06:00

FINAL		1	2	3	T
	Calgary	1	2	0	3
	Vancouver	0	0	2	2

Madeline Kahn (Mrs. White) said it best:

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

A Hex on Calgary!

2007-03-31T18:12:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs vs. Wild

I saw today's game from right here:

Section 118. Row 18. Seat 10. Closest I have ever been. Sweet.

I went with a friend who has the hookup. But before you get too jealous, know that I had to endure two of my worst pet peeves in order to take advantage of these free tickets: lateness (missed 12 minutes of play) and bad driving ("hold on!" bad).

I love people watching at the games. Today was especially fruitful. It didn't take me long to pick up on the fact that a lot of people around me were referring to the players by their first names. Shortly after that, Liles scored, and the gorgeous Gucci-clutching brunette twig sitting in front of me squeals, "Daddy! It was John!" Turns out, it was Liles' girlfriend, one of the "Avs' Better Halves," her parents, and his parents. Her parents were in matching pink cardigans. The moms sat next to the other the whole time and never uttered a word to each other. That's good people watching.

There was also the kids near the front, who, with their painted faces and childlike faith, held their homemade sign as high as they could. It read as follows:

Win?
Impossible.
Lose?
Definitely.

Gotta love that. And even the Kiss Cam, as cheesy as it is, afforded some amusement. One poor guy's face said it all -- he's totally breaking up with her tonight.

Thanks to the aforementioned lateness, I missed Gaborik's goal, scored under two minutes in. I'll have to wait for the replay to see what possessed Clarke to hold someone 30 seconds into a game. I arrived at Le Can just in time to hear a roar from the crowd, but no horn. Inconclusive - no goal. Like I said, Liles tied it up, and Statsny got the game winner.

FINAL

Wild 1
Avs 2

The other half (I hate it when girls preface every statement with "My husband...", so from here on out we'll call him "Ludwig") is out of town tonight, seeing The Chariot in Colorado Springs, so I'm going watch hockey, pack, and eat my weight in BBQ potato chips. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

I'll Just Close My Eyes For a Minute...

2007-03-30T13:58:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs at Coyotes

...said the exhausted Satanella as she gathered her thoughts after last night's game. I conked out immediately and dreamt that I brought a cheeseball (something I have never partaken of in my life) to work, not knowing that inside it was a huge spider waiting to terrorize my office. I think I need a day off.

I started the game at 221B Baker St. Pub. Great grub, Happy Hour from 2-9 during the week and ALL DAY Sunday, and there's a little outdoor ice rink just outside. For the record, I recommend doing your drinking after your skating...

Pregame, I see Parker being interviewed at some fancy restaurant. He looks a little out of place (in a good way) with his black t-shirt (Western Canada's Toughest - an extreme fighting competition?) and full sleeves of tattoos.

Parker is in tonight, as Laperriere injured his groin in practice. With Lappy out, the Arnason line gets changed up. Stastny-Arnason-Hejduk results in a Hejduk goal, then it's Wolski-Arnason-Svatos (who seemed to be on fast forward, by the way). McLean scores with Stasty and Hejduk. Glad to see Stastny pick up points; everyone seems to have already forgotten his 20 game streak.

Intermission. Cut to Hejduk working the pick-up window at Arby's. What? He confesses to never having had a job, and cites steak as the food he would eat exclusively if he had to. Altitude guy Keefe seems offended that a professional athlete has a higher metabolism than a guy who sits and reads a teleprompter.

Wolski-Arnason-Svatos score again, then Sakic assists Richardson. With the 1580th point, Sakic passes Ray Bourque on the all-time scoring list. How far will he go? Top five? Top three?

More interesting trivia: the '59 Leafs clinched the last playoff spot from 7 points behind with 5 games remaining. Is that supposed to be encouraging?

By this time, everyone knows that the Flames won again. Iginla got a hat trick, even. But I guess the Avs thought their 4-0 lead was cushy enough to take a break. In the third period, the Coyotes narrowly missed tying the game in the last minute. This afforded me the debatable privilege of hearing the HOOOWL three times. One more reason I'm glad I don't live in Phoenix!

FINAL

Avs 4
Coyotes 3

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Hockey is Remotely Involved

2007-03-28T23:40:00.001-06:00

In general, I am not a fan of the "heartwarming sports film" genre. Therefore, I am happy to present a mildly hockey related movie that might just be interesting:

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Thank You, Hockey Jesus

2007-03-28T21:45:00.000-06:00

Steven Colbert, comic personality and inspiration for the Saginaw Spirit Hockey Club's mascot Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle, just looked up a word in the dictionary on national television twice, and proceeded to challenge Sean Penn to a battle of metaphors. Might he be the perfect man? I don't know...he's got some pretty strong competition:

And you wonder how the Sedin twins came about. Now you know. Trained by Jesus himself.

In other news, NHL hockey players recently weighed in on a variety of important matters. 19 out of the 283 players said that if they could play for any other NHL team, they would play for the Wings. This is the only reason I can fathom for the phenomenon. 14 would play for the Avs. Excellent choice.

6 players would least like to be traded to the Wings, while only 1 so despises the Avs.

Although players (and I) agree that Detroit is significantly more threatening than the Avs to play on the road, they also agree (by the astounding margin of 166, or 63%) that Sakic is BY FAR the most respected player in the league. Amen to that, hockey Jesus.

Jose Theodore barely makes the "Most Overrated Player in the NHL" list, but that's enough for me.

Statsny should have gotten at least one vote for the player under 22.

Apparently Detroit has better ice. I'll never know. [whispering] Please don't make me go there, hockey jesus! I promise I'll be good...

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Lesson Learned: Even Theodore is Better than No Goalie at All

2007-03-27T21:33:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs vs. Canucks

So, I still haven't been able to sit down and watch the last Avs/Canucks matchup. However, I understand that I owe McLean an apology for abusing him after his confusing appearance in the previous shootout. Said Coach Q of Stastny's absence, "He was next." Pregame, I learn that McLean is deserving of congratulations not just for his first multi-goal game since 2003, but for becoming a father within three hours of returning home from Vancouver yesterday morning.

Theodore is in net, after successfully taking over for Budaj on Sunday. I know Theo is capable of greatness, but I get nervous when I see him lurking between the posts. Looking back at the schedule, I find that, since January, he has started 6 of 38 games. 5 of those 6 were losses, including one in which Theo was pulled in favor of Budaj. Conversely, 4 times Theo replaced Budaj. 3 of those 4 were also losses. Now, I know a loss isn't just about the goaltending. Nonetheless, these are telling numbers.

It looked like Theodore was going to have an easy night at first. Over seven minutes before the Canucks got a shot on goal. And Skrastins is officially back. Sweet. On the other hand, every night seems to be an easy night for Luongo.

At Intermission, I can't help but be struck by an (admittedly shallow) observation: Altitude "personality" (ahem) Joe Brown could not possibly use any more hair gel. His hair is a glossy obsidian helmet. Not the flowing near-mullet that is aging hockey hair. Here -- see what I mean?

In the second, I grab tonight's Colorado beer. Blue Moon Spring Ale. It's an Amber Wheat made with Keffir lime juice and rind. Straight out of the refrigerator, it almost has a Sprite-y feel at the back of your throat. As it warms up, you can really taste the zest. Kind of a sour aftertaste. I would try it again. With limes, and either Mexican or Thai food. Mmm.

Liles gets punched in the face, Sakic gets tripped, and the Avs' seemingly endless glut of power play opportunities begins. They went 0 for 5. Luongo is great, but that's nuts.

Sakic and Klee both go to the box and Salo immediately scores. Fitzpatrick is an ASS. Just as he finishes serving his penalty, as Theodore is heading off the ice, he scores. Daniel Sedin with another empty-netter. I'm switching to vodka.

FINAL

Canucks 3
Avs 0

Calgary won, too. Damn. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

A Swedish Documentary About Hockey-Playing Feminists in India

2007-03-24T16:47:00.000-06:00

...otherwise known as The Holy Grail.

See the "Thin Ice" trailer:

And visit the website and blog here.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

It's Cool, I Didn't Need Those Fingernails Anyway

2007-03-23T22:23:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs at Oilers

I need a cigarette. I don't know why that sounds soothing. A nice Djarum Black is probably the only thing on earth that could make my stomach less settled than it is. Nothing like a stressful game to rearrange one's internal organs.

The Avs went into this game hoping for a repeat of Wednesday, starting the Arnason/Laperriere/Richardson line that was so successful. But the Oilers came out really strong, and a lot more physical than earlier in the week, as evidenced by an early rush on Vaananen.

Richardson scores, assisted by Laperriere. Apparently kisses are only in order when Lappy is assisted, rather than when he assists.

At the end of the 1st, Sakic takes a rare penalty, and makes an even rarer fuss about it. He's pissed. Incidentally, this is his 200th consecutive game. I have to wonder if he's just good at hockey, or amazing all around. Is there anything he's bad at? Maybe he can't swim, or is afraid of spiders or something. He can't be Christ, because I'm totally not ready for the end. Although Christ coming back as a Canadian would be an interesting twist in an already convaluted tale. Back to the game already.

The 2nd begins with the Avs on a brief power play left over from the 1st, and Sakic scores! Hemsky, back from an injury, answers with a wrap-around goal that hits Budaj's skate as he tries to close the gap and goes in. The goal lights a fire under the Oilers, and the Avs are scrambling. I keep looking up, thinking, "Did I miss something? Are the Oilers on the power play?" It was something to see. The Oil has fight left after all. Sykora confirms it when he ties the game at 2-2.

The Avs end the 2nd with a power play, and Rolli is...is it too cheesy to say "on a roll?" The crowd is chanting for him. Hell, I could cheer for him. The Avs, Stastny in particular, are getting some great shots on goal, and a hell of a lot of them. Rolli robbed Stastny at least three times for sure.

I missed the first 5 minutes of play in the 3rd. I know that was irresponsible of me. Looking for houses (read: asbestos-ridden shanties in the ghetto because I'm broke) is time consuming. Somewhere in there, Svatos got a power play goal, putting the Avs in the lead.

Finger is visibly hurt. Arnason is named the "Man of Stihl." He's had significant success against Edmonton this season, for whatever reason, and I suppose that equates him to a chainsaw or a weed-eater.

With less than two minutes in regulation, Lupul gets a freaking goal. Unbelievable. OT flies by. I am reminded of the very first Avs game I attended (73 days ago, on January 9. Red Wings Suck!) when a little boy seated behind me cried to his father, "Daddy, I don't want to go to the shootout. I'm AFRAID TO LOOOOOOOSE!"

The shootout. Hemsky misses. Rolli makes a save on Svatos. Sykora misses. Save on Hejduk. Budaj saves on Pisani. Not even Sakic can get past Roloson.

You've got to be kidding me. I am running in place and I want to throw up.

Budaj gets the save on Lupul. Then who comes out for the Avs? MacLean. WHAT THE HELL? NO, SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE HELL? Yeah. He scored on his only shootout try. But where's Stastny? Doesn't he want to get that goal Rolli denied him all night? What about Liles? Hell, Guite, Brunette, even Laperriere. But MacLean? Is there some reason for this choice that I in my vast ignorance am not taking into consideration? Of course, MacLean misses. Reasoner scores on Budaj, and rookie Wolski can't answer.

[Insert under-my-breath utterances regarding MacLean]

FINAL

Avs 3
Oilers 4

I think I mentioned that I am broke. Hence, the comparative silence on the Colorado beer front. Recently, Ramen made a reappearance in my household. Now that's broke. But I classed it up with some peanut sauce. Anyhow, I thought it appropriate to get a paper bag-clad 40oz. to go with my dinner of Satanella's Seriously Evil Broke-Ass Chex Mix. The closest local example I could find was a 22oz. Avalanche. It's not new to HIFL...read my extensive archives.

Satanella's Seriously Evil Broke-Ass Chex Mix

6 cups Rice Chex (you and I both know it's the off-brand)
2 cups Snyder's Honey Mustard & Onion Pretzel Pieces
2 cups New York Style Mini Garlic Bagel Chips
5 Tbs. Butter
5 Tbs. Worchestershire sauce
Cholula, garlic powder and onion salt to taste

Heat oven to 250 degrees. Melt butter, add sauces and spices. Whisk. Add cereal, etc. Stir to coat. Bake, stirring every 15 minutes. Spread on foil to cool. Store. Take to work and stress eat before teaching middle schoolers about the physics of dance. Shovel by the fistful during hockey games. Great as a salty complement to mixed beverages. Pretty much great all the time.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Oil: "Ugh. I Threw Paper!" Avs: [shrug] "I Threw A Rock."

2007-03-21T22:13:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs at Oilers

The title is a reference to a Budweiser commercial, useful only for the purposes of tonight's game commentary, and not for persuading me to drink the product. I might if this was still Bud's ad campaign, though:

Can't imagine why they scrapped that gem. Anyhow, the whole allusion is merely to demonstrate that by winning by such a large margin against the Oilers at home tonight, after such a devastating losing streak and their official elimination from the playoffs, the Avs have added insult to injury.

Three weeks ago, it looked like we would be weeping and gnashing our teeth here in Denver, too. Luckily, things have looked up. But I, for one, empathize with the Oil to an extent, and really don't relish kicking a man while he's down. Unless that man is a Red Wing.

That said, sorry Oilers. Sakic will probably send a fruit basket or something when this is all over. And it may yet be that someone kidnapped the team and replaced them with the Tulsa Oilers. This is all a big misunderstanding, and your guys are really threshing wheat in Oklahoma.

Pregame, Liles refutes McNab's assertion that he is the "Quarterback of the power play." He admits to bringing the puck down the ice, and being able to read what's going on in front of the net. Having not seen Liles play much before his foot injury, I've often found myself wondering what the buzz was about. While he was out, Skrastins was the guy who kept the puck in the zone. And he did it well. Not really a goal scorer so much, but attentive. I'm looking forward to seeing them both on the ice again.

Kyle Keefe interviews Arnason while he moves snow around with a front-end loader. Arn likes country music. Damn. But the interview on the whole was better than when Keefe took Turgeon to Coors Brewery, where Pierre confessed that he doesn't like beer, and Keefe proceeded to ask him whether or not he used shampoo.

Within five minutes, the Avs are up by 2. Lappy (assisted by Arnason) and Sakic.

Altitude Network is broadcasting live from Jackson's, a bar in Westminster. At Intermission, commentator Blake Olson is flanked by Coors girls. When asked what prizes were up for grabs tonight, one of the girls, teeth and abs gleaming, proudly proclaims: "A Jose Theodore signed stick and jersey!"

*cricket...cricket*

Laperriere and Arnason score again in the 2nd, and Arnason is rewarded for the assist not only with a point, but with a nice juicy kiss from "the nose." Liles scores on the power play. Wolski has a good chance, but there's a mess at the net, and one of the Oilers (couldn't see his jersey) gets in his face. Wolski just shakes his head. He's a lover, I guess. Clark, and Bruno with his second assist, make it 5-0.

At second Intermission, watching clips from the Sabres game, I am totally jealous of their announcer. GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL! He's very...rock opera. Maybe this guy is moonlighting:

Thoresen scores a short handed goal which proves to be the Oil's only. Lappy gets in a fight, which is almost as good as a hat trick. Can't that be the "Lappy Hat Trick?" I guess realistically the Lappy Hat Trick would be three fights.

FINAL

Avs 5
Oilers 1

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

The Name(s) of the Game Vol. 1

2007-03-20T22:35:00.000-06:00

A brief perusal of team rosters afforded me this list of players with mildly amusing names. When I know more about them, perhaps others' monikers will prove as ironic. One has to question whether one's name has any influence over one's career choice, etc. And I don't mean in the football way where people name their kid "Touchdown" or something.

Gotta start with the Avs. Newly called Finger, for example. Talk about a name that comes with complimentary torture. I'm sure there's nothing he hasn't heard. But I hope he doesn't mind that I will be one of possibly two people shouting "Give 'em the Finger!" at the Pepsi Center. And recently aquired Wall. A goalie named Wall? Or a Wall destined for goaltending? We'll see.

Snout: You can never bring in a wall. What say you, Bottom?

Bottom: Some man or other must present Wall: and let him have some plaster, or some loam, or some roughcast about him, to signify Wall; and let him hold his fingers thus, and through that cranny shall Pyramus and Thisby whisper.

A Midsummer Night's Dream. My favorite. And Wall will probably grow loam, whatever the hell that is, before Budaj gives him occasion to play.

Next, the Blue Jackets' Jason Chimera. First thought: Mission Impossible II. Way to be a virus. Better: mythical monster circa Homer's Iliad, "a thing of immortal make, not human, lion-fronted and snake behind, a goat in the middle, and snorting out the breath of the terrible flame of bright fire." Cool.

Oiler Marty Reasoner's name is really only funny when you juxtapose the intellectual connotation with his picture:

Ooh. Not his brightest-looking moment.

The Wild has a promising "Player in the System" by the name of Clayton Stoner. From what I understand, whether or not he ends up in the NHL depends largely on the brownies.

As a matter of course, I am partial to Islander Miroslav Satan. Again, it's got to be old for him. But it's new to me! Muahahaha...

Finally, there's the Flyers' Simon Gagne. Everyone probably knows this already, but this one is another example of a name predicting the future of its owner. Conjugating gagner or "to win" in French, one arrives at "gagne" in "je gagne," or "I win," and "il/elle gagne," or "he/she wins." No pressure, though. Geez.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Sneaking a Post in at Work...MMMMM, I'm Telling...

2007-03-19T10:30:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs vs. Sharks

The Bad News: my computer crapped out. It's dead. R.I.P.

The Good News: At least there's hockey on. Hockey cures all ills.

Before the game, it's announced that the Stanley Cup is 115 years old. Happy Birthday, Cup! 1892 - a good year. Color photography, Edna St. Vincent Millay, and The Nutcracker. Well, maybe not that last one.

Budaj and Nabokov are in net. The only Nabokov I know anything about is...

...this guy, of Lolita fame. Good book. Disturbing, but good.

Svatos is in. Skrastins is still out. Interestingly, Parker is a healthy scratch. Too early to play his former team?

Several players warm up with pink sticks to support breast cancer research, but Laperriere is the only player to use his throughout the game. That's cool.

Despite all the pregame talk of keeping the Sharks off the power play and wrangling Thornton, a hooking call puts Hejduk in the box and Thornton scores. The Avs respond with a PP goal of their own, though, when Arnason gets credit for a tip.

The Sharks score twice within five minutes of the 2nd. It doesn't look too grim, though, because the guys are working their asses off. It pays off when Liles gets a beautiful rebound and makes it a one-point game again.

A cross check on Arnason and a stick to Hejduk's face make for a 5 on 3. When the Avs don't tie it up there, I get nervous. Flashbacks from about a month ago. But Brunette SCOOOORES! Whew. Then I'm nervous again, because Sakic gets sent to the box for hooking. The only thing worse than giving the Sharks a power play in the last couple of minutes of a tie game is not having Sakic on the ice to kill the penalty! But they do...holy crap.

The kicker: Cheecho takes a boarding penalty, and has a FIT in the box. The penalty carries over into OT, of course, and before I can say, "Gimme another Smithwick's," Hejduk GOOOOOOOOAL!!! It was a thing of beauty.

FINAL

Sharks 3
Avs 4

The Avs are now within 4 points of Calgary. WHAT? Assuming the Flames stay idle, and the Avs can extend the Oilers' losing streak from 10 to 12 games, they might earn a playoff berth yet.

In other news, the Sabres lost. Probably came as much as a shock to them as to the actual buffalo who got loose in a neighborhood near my apartment and had to be "dealt with" by Animal Control.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Everyone Knows God Created Beer...

2007-03-19T09:18:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs at Coyotes

...to keep the Irish from taking over the world. But did he anticipate that it would cause them to write belated game recaps in ill-conceived limerick?

This St. Patrick's Day game also happened to fall on opening night at the ballet. So, by the time I got away from the theatre, Denver was drunk, and I'd missed most of the game.

A case of Guinness, a case of Harp, and a case of Smithwick's precluded the purchase and/or storage of any Colorado beer. Turns out the guys did alright without me. I settled in for the replay with my chilled pint glass and waxed poetic...

We called up a young lad called Finger,
A right rough-and-tumble bell-ringer,
He doesn't abide
Phoenix playing offsides,
And they fight like they're on Jerry Springer.

Paul Stastny increases his streak,
The rookie who won't take a break,
Not a tooth in his head,
He surpasses his dad
Breaking records set by the Nordiques.

You'd be daft to count out Super Joe,
The humblest player you know,
A slap of his wrist,
and Joseph is pissed,
'Cause the Avs are now up 2 and 0.

I fell asleep shortly thereafter...probably a good thing for all of us.

FINAL

Avs 6
Coyotes 3

Erin Go Bragh! Slainte! Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Walkin' On Sunshine...Whoooaa...And Don't it Feel GOOD!

2007-03-14T21:52:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs vs. Flames

The boys are back in town, and it was a gorgeous day on a variety of levels. It's beautiful out. A day for open windows. I went skating. Had the best BBQ in town. Only worked a little, but got a lot done. Good company. Good game. Good day.

Sakic is honored in a pregame ceremony for his 600th goal, which he scored against Calgary a while ago. Don't know why they waited this long...unless it takes a particularly long time to fashion a silver hockey stick. The stick was presented to Sakic by former Nordique and Av Curtis Leschyshyn. Joe kissed his wife and kids before accepting it, and I thought for a minute there that he might give his former teammate a peck. No dice.

Just over a minute in Sakic scores! Not with the silver stick. He's 16th now on the All-Time NHL goal scorer list.

Much of the rest of the game was spent alternately thanking and cursing goal posts. And thinking, "Damn, Kiprusoff is good. If Kip were Theo we would have 9 goals by now."

The Flames racked up two power play goals by the end of the 1st, courtesy of Iginla and Yelle. I didn't know Yelle was an Av. Tapeleg: "Everyone was an Av." Oh.

In the 2nd, after an uneventful Av power play, a couple of the "Avs' Better Halves" announce their fundraiser. I can see that the guys are dating/married to them for their huge...hearts.

Another Av power play, and HEJDUK SCORES! Tie game. The Duke. When Stastny scores in the 3rd, he extends his point streak to 19 games. I wonder what would happen if it was just Sakic, Stastny and Budaj against Iginla, Tanguay and Kiprusoff. Is that like asking whether Superman would beat Batman, etc.? I've been around enough nerds (self included) in my life to know that conversation leads nowhere.

By this point, the Avs have outshot the Flames 40-17. After killing a penalty, Calgary gets a chance to tie it up in the final minutes when Klee gets called on slashing. But...they don't. BURN! Oh, that's kinda ironic. Heh.

FINAL

Flames 2
Avs 3

DISCLAIMER: Before I dole out my first truly negative review of a Colorado beer, I confess I probably marred the sample by having an absolutely perfect pint of Guinness this afternoon. Not many beers can follow Guinness. And, though I live in Colorado, I'm Irish first.

That said, I'm not a fan of Tommyknocker Brewery's (Idaho Springs, CO) Butt Head Doppelbock Lager. It's like a Porter or a Stout, but without the creaminess. Overpowering. I didn't get the "caramel sweetness" the label touts. Then again, I was eating Shells 'n' Cheese with it.

P.S. Butt Head. Because of the intense flavor. Not Butthead. There are rams butting heads on the label, not a picture of Gary Bettman.

At any rate, this is a beer I probably won't revisit. Now, to get the taste out of my mouth:

It's appropriate. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

@%$&*%.

2007-03-11T16:38:00.000-06:00

The Game: Avs at Wild

After watching Detroit lose this morning, I thought the planets might have been aligned for a sixth win in a row for the Avs.

Four Av penalties kept them shorthanded for almost half of the 1st. While Vaananen sat for cross checking, Koivu scores. The Avs tie it up with a power play goal of their own when Hejduk gets one in. Stastny assists, of course, and breaks Teemu Selanne's rookie point streak record. 18 games! He also leads in road game point streaks. The Toothless Wonder strikes again!

In the 2nd, more penalties. Vaananen and Laperriere get into mild scrums, each resulting in 4 on 4 play. A ballsy Schultz delivers a huge check on Sakic. Where is Parker? Lappy? Finger? Bueller?...Bueller...? Sakic can take care of himself, but I bet even Schultz was surprised that he didn't get heat for that move.

Cutting to commercial, the camera focuses on two potbellied fans wearing jerseys they had cut and sewn to be half Avs and half Wild. Amusing. Had to worry about that seam, though. No fitted jerseys for those two...

Second Intermission. Altitude, I want to love you. But then you go and do this:

OK, I know it's nerdy, but I live for this stuff. I mean, it's one thing to find errors on menus or something, but this is priceless. The LA Kins. I love it.

In the 3rd, Lappy scores, and within 30 seconds Koivu does AGAIN. Ugh. Thought I could rest for just a second...But no. Stastny goes to the box for interference, and his penalty carries into OT. Suddenly, I have no scruples about drinking at 3:00 in the afternoon.

You know what happens next. Don't make me say it. A point is a point, but that one stung.

FINAL

Avs 2
Wild 3

The Beer du Game was Pinstripe Red Ale from Ska Brewing Company in Durango, CO.

Beer, Ska, and scooter enthusiasts since 1995, the company also makes an Organic Double Chocolate Stout that I'd like to try. This ale is smooth and pretty straightforward. Love is listed as an ingredient. I need some right now.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Stastny for Rookie of the Year, Sakic for President

2007-03-08T23:31:00.000-07:00

You heard me.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Beat Down in Bean Town, Five-in-a-Row in Buffalo

2007-03-07T19:53:00.000-07:00

The Games: Avs at Bruins, Avs at Sabres

I had to put in a good twelve hours at work yesterday, prompting me to ask the other half to tape the game. He's learning quickly - he took advantage of my obsession to get the DVD recorder he's been wanting. Next thing you know, he'll finally convince me to let him get speakers for our TV, which rests approximately ten feet from our couch. I always thought that was a ridiculous prospect. But the sound of the game...you know.

Coming into last night's game, both the Avs and the Bruins were at 69 points in their respective conferences, although the Bruins were 4 points from a playoff berth, whereas the Avs were holding steady at 9.

Appropriately, the game was equally even for the first two periods of play. Good shots on both sides, and even better goaltending. Power plays and penalty kills, the same. Wolski would have had a goal had the net not busted out of place.

Liles refers to Budaj as "Boodz" at Intermission. Aww. "My Budaj, My Budaj, My Bu-daj and me!" If you don't get that, you aren't a child of the 80s. Not to say that's a bad thing...

Clark is awarded a controversial goal in the third - the Bruins contend that MacLean made Thomas unable to make a save. It's not reviewed, though. I'm OK with that.

In the end, Stastny gets his 16th point in a row and ties his father's rookie point streak with an assist on Hejduk's empty netter. SHUT OUT! The Avs' recent five-game homestand was a debacle. Now that their on the road for another five, they're playing some serious hockey. They definitely aren't giving up. If anything, having the odds stacked against them has really spurred them on. There's something to be said for that.

FINAL

Avs 2
Bruins 0

I missed the first few minutes of tonight's matchup against the Buffaslugs, as I was just getting home from a grueling day of doing my civic duty. More on that later. I stumbled in, cussed the unfamiliar remote, and settled in with my notepad and a slice of cold pizza. Hockey and beer might make me fat. Incidentally, the other half recently mentioned as much, to my chagrin and his eternal misfortune.

I missed a Buffalo goal, and apparently Kaleta passing on a fight with Lappy. Probably a good idea on his part. He also steers clear of Parker when "The Sheriff" bats down Hecht (McNab yells, "And the Sheriff sends him to the next county!") after Guite takes a huge hit. Parker just might be awesome. I'm looking into his enforcing history. So far, I've found this: he has a magical beard that absorbs hits. And it gives him strength like Samson's hair did. If this were Ancient Persia, Parker could totally knock down pillars and stuff. Barring injury, that is. [Fingers crossed...]

Speaking of Finger, he's had some great checks himself, and he and Parker are, combined with the team's healthy desperation, encouraging players like Guite, etc. to be more physical and a little ornery. This could be a good thing. Or not. What the hell do I know? I just like it.

Stastny assists "The Duke" on a short-handed goal to tie both the game and Teemu Selanne's rookie consecutive point streak record! He's now on a 17 game point streak, 4 points from NHL Rookie of the Year favorite Malkin, and 11 from top-scoring Av Sakic.

Interjection: I just stepped away to see ESPN's hockey recap. I don't know why. They can't pronounce Wolski's name, and only mention Stastny's league-leading streak as an ineffective segue to the hit on Kaberle.

MacLean scores, and Briere and Pominville tie the game at 2-2 before the 2nd Intermission. It is worth mentioning that the Sabres finally have Drury back after that crazy hit. Good for them, but his only shot on goal was gloved by Budaj-cakes. That's what I call him now, in the privacy of my home. And in the privacy of this blog that most visitors only occasion by accident.

In the 3rd, Sakic assists Wolski, passing Doug Gilmour in All-Time Assists. This is amusing to me, as I recently posted footage of Sakic kicking Gilmour's ass.

Wolski's goal ends up the game winner, though Quenneville continues to work Sauer after a brief grounding. Clark takes a hit, and in the interest of keeping the puck in the opposing zone during the final minutes, gloves it into center ice as he falls. It's a level of hardcore-ness that I have not seen yet, and celebrate.

FINAL

Avs 3
Sabres 2

The Avs are now only 6 points away from catching the Wild...Interesting. Let's Go Avs!

Beer. Laughing Lab, from Bristol Brewery in Colorado Springs. I'm SO glad I don't have to excuse my choice due to losses. Laughing Lab is good, especially when you're happy. Not that I have tested it in other circumstances. It's probably still good. But not AS good. Lab is an award-winning Scottish-style Ale, and it does, I admit, present itself as 1) easy enough to drink as to make one laugh, and 2) easy enough to drink as to make one frolic in the way of the carefree Labrador. I am frolicking right now. Not really. Well, maybe. Last night, it was the last thing in the world I needed to recover from caffeine crash. Tonight, it was just what the [court] ordered.

I am listening to the " O Brother, Where Art Thou?" soundtrack now, and need to jump on the bed and process having divested a fellow American woman of her immediate freedom today.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

If I Were A Hockey Player...

2007-03-05T00:07:00.000-07:00

I can't stop! There's nothing like defeating the Red Wings (and mediocre Colorado vodka) for fueling an ill-advised blog-'til-dawn-fest.

Everyone who's anyone in the hockey blog world has filled out this questionnaire. Most of them were important people, and were thus asked to fill it out for the edification mankind. I, however, just feel like it. Also, I am drunk.

I fully comprehend that in doing so, I am equating myself with every teenage boy who buys a guitar and thinks he can play "Stairway to Heaven." A girl can dream, right? Ask me again in six months when I know what I'm talking about, but am still drunk. Ok?

Team: Colorado Avalanche. After a humbling stint in the CHL with the Tulsa Oilers. (Who recently got demolished in no uncertain terms by the Colorado Eagles. 9-1. You read it right.)

Number: 17. The craziest year of my life to date. If I can go through all that, I can get the puck in the fucking net. Ooh, sorry. Like I said...the vodka.

Position: Cheeky! Oh, wait. Right Wing.

Nickname: The Devil, She-Devil, The Evil One, The Princess of Darkness, "Wait...there's a GIRL on the team!!!"

Dream Linemate(s): Sakic, without question. That is, if I could get over the fact that I was on the line with Joe Sakic and stop tracing the letters on his jersey and trying to touch his hair. Besides that, I have every confidence that he can perform LASIK surgery with his wrist shot. 600 times.

Rounding out the PP: Can I say Sakic again? Ok, Ok! Give me a break. I'm new to this, I have freaking JOE SAKIC on my team, and I'm (do I really need to say it again?) drunk. To stay loyal to the current team, I'll say Stastny. It's in his genes, and he's amusing to boot.

Job: Unlikely Enforcer. You'd never expect a check, or much less, a punch, from someone who just corrected your grammar. Shows what you know.

Signature Move: The King Lear. I act like I'm insane, and then do something really profound. So there. For those of you who read my Hockey/Lear posts, here's a hilarious interpretation of Lear I actually approve of, courtesy of SuperDeluxe.com:

And/or the Temptress: Where I score a goal and press myself against the glass. And lick it.

Strengths: Irish temper, only-child attachment, Revenge of the Nerds attitude, being the only girl on the team.

Weaknesses: Irish temper, only-child attachment, Revenge of the Nerds attitude, being the only girl on the team.

Injury Problems: It's not my problem that people don't like it when I injure them. That's their problem.

Equipment: Nothing special. Nothing pink. If I really have a choice, I'd say something that protects me when I check guys, but doesn't completely disguise the goods so they can "check" me. If you know what I mean. You do. I can tell.

Nemesis: Any and/or all Red Wings. Anyone who realizes I'm a girl. Anyone who even LOOKS at Sakic funny. Are you kidding me? Don't even think about it. You're dealing with a teacher, who also happens to be the Devil. You get an "F," and you're deposited in the 9th circle of Hell. Way to go, chump.

Scandal Involvement: This is fantasy, right? Ok, I sleep with some people. But it's not a scandal, because you never know about it. Also, I send some people to the 9th circle of Hell. But you only know about that because 1) you are the media, and 2) you are there, too.

Who do I face in the Stanley Cup Series? The Red Wings, if they were the current Avs and I were the 1996 Avs.

What do I do with the Cup after winning it? Give people a chance to touch it if they buy season tickets to the ballet.

Does the media love or hate me? Both. They love me because I'm always willing to talk. They hate me because they can't print what I say, because newspapers are moribund and useless wastes of paper. They love me because I am passionate about the game. They hate me because when they ask "How important was this game?" I ask, "Well, did you watch it? Because if you did, you'd probably have something more interesting to ask about it." Bloggers love me, and I love them. Because I can say anything to them, and they can write it. And I honestly don't think I would be offended the first 100 times I was asked "Who on the team would you most like to 'do'?" As if you'd have to ask.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella, #17

An Addendum, A Discovery

2007-03-04T23:01:00.000-07:00

The following is borne out of my determination to find a look-alike for one or more of my boys who is (or was) actually a celebrity. This is arguably the most indulgent departure from game recaps. Also, I am drunk.

Arnason showed up again tonight, thank God. I can't find the right picture to demonstrate it, but he has facial expressions that strongly resemble:

Emilio Estevez, circa the "Brat Pack" days.

However, I may have unearthed something even more interesting in my search -- wanna know who Arnason DOESN'T look like?

Himself, circa 2001. Ugh. Why, Tyler? WHY?

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Damn, it Feels Good to be a Gangsta

2007-03-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs at Red Wings

[SCREAMING, JUMPING, AIR GUITAR]

The last Avs at Detroit game I wrote about was a humiliating spectacle. Luckily, tonight's was a better game, and this will undoubtedly be a better post.

I taped the game this morning, as I had to be at the theatre for a good part of the day. I wore my jersey, which only served to make my delayed gratification more stressful...I was terrified that someone was going to ruin the outcome of the game for me. And it's the Wings. By the time I got home, I needed a drink. Cue the...

VODKA MADE IN COLORADO??? Why yes! And are those shot glasses made of ice, you ask? Right again! The ultimate Avalanche shot, to be indulged in upon every Av goal.

Now, detractors might say that the Avs won today because the Wings were without Zetterberg and Hasek, as well as newly aquired goon Bertuzzi. But they had Datsyuk and Lidstrom. And the Avs may have Sakic and NHL Rookie of the Month Stastny (15 game point streak), but they didn't play Parker, and they're without both Iron Man defenseman Skrastins and...this guy:

"Look who's go-ot a Farrah do! Don't you wish you had one too?"

With 9 seconds left in the 1st, Clark earns Holmstrom a penalty shot. HE DOESN'T GET IT! He takes it out on Sauer, and the game remains scoreless into Intermission.

In the 2nd, mic'd up Rycroft busts on the refs for not calling a high stick he took. As the blood travels from his forehead to his chin, he wonders aloud, "Am I cut bad?" Trainer: "No, it's not bad." That's just awesome.

The rest of the first ten minutes are really about the announcers.

Mike Emrick: "[Detroit] is a very popular city in which to be Polish."

Eddie Osczyk (he's a poet and didn't know it): "Sauer has been a tower of power..."

Then he goes on to say what sounded like (honestly, I rewound the tape at least six times), "Hard, hard, hard on...that's what you want from Kurt Sauer." There may have been an imperceptible "'em" in there. Let's hope. Either way, either Eddie or I need to get laid.

Finally, at nine minutes, Stastny assists Hejduk on the first goal of the game, and we get to take our first (much needed) shot. As far as vodka goes...it's no Chopin. But it's better than Amsterdam or Popov, available for $8/liter at your local Likker Mart. It'll do. The bottle boasts that it contains "water that was born high atop the Rocky Mountains." Heh.

Wolski assists Arnason at just under six minutes, then Lidstrom gets one in on Budaj.

Just into the 3rd, Draper ties the game at 2-2. All of the sudden, the Wings are on fire. Budaj gets absolutely PEPPERED with shots, and turns into Stretch Armstong. Chelios almost gets one it, but Klee bats it out just in time. Whew.

MacLean makes it 3-2, and my tape ends. I put in the next. It's still 3-2. I only missed a couple of minutes of play. Hopefully nothing earth-shattering happened, like this:

Draper scores again, and the game goes to OT...RICHARDSON GOAL! OH MY GOD!!! The fourth shot is remarkably more palatable than the first. Ahhh.

FINAL

Avs 4
Red Wings 3

For tonight's purposes, an artistic and metaphorical representation of the Red Wings:

Now, I know I'm about ten hours later on this than other bloggers, but to anyone still celebrating out there -- can I get a RED WINGS SUCK?

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Outposts from a Hockey Lady of Mediocrity

2007-03-02T23:58:00.000-07:00

Inspired by a recent Creative Challenge given to the HLOG, these aren't exactly celebrity look-alikes, but they're the best I could do with what I have...

Ken Klee, for example. Every time I see him I think of:

American Dad.

And Budaj, cherub-like in his own right,

kind of reminds me of:

Eddie Munster, God forbid!

Just to class things up a little, I'll say that Lappy --

Is strangely reminiscent of this self portrait...

Of/by Picasso. It's only appropriate, though. Who but Lappy would relate to Picasso, who made an Art out of rearranging faces?

Finally, there's Sakic.

And he can only be compared to...

Oh, yeah. That's right. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Brawling at Black Hawks, Breakfast Burritos and Beer

2007-03-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs at Black Hawks

What more does a girl need? Dinner was breakfast burritos, and beer was White Rascal from Avery Brewing Company in Boulder. It's a wheat, and boy is it a wheat. Compared to Blue Moon and Easy Street Wheat (two other Colorado beers I'll feature eventually), it's wheat-and-citrus-tastic. Rather than being a subtle wheat beer deserving of an orange slice, White Rascal conjures images of those old Florida Orange Juice commercials where the kid manages to pierce an orange with a stripy straw. But in this instance, there's wheat beer in the orange. It's unfiltered, and you can actually see the yeast at the bottom of the bottle. Excellent beer, but not in the easy-to-drink sort of way. I don't want to be forced to mark the spice in a brew every time I take a sip. But the citrus dominance allowed me to justify having beer with breakfast, so I can't hate too much.

Before the game, an off-roading interview with Brett Clark reveals that my Arnason is his away roommate. When asked what that's like, he cryptically replies, "You know, it's a learning experience." What does that mean? He also cites Klee as the one player he'd take to depend on on a desert island.

Just over a minute in, Ruutu scores on Budaj. But seconds later, Rycroft is having a go at Richmond! Newly reaquired Av Parker (aka "The Sheriff") stood nearby, and congratulated Rycroft in the box. Even gathered his gloves and stuff for him. I think I'm going to like this guy.

While Rycroft ices his punching hand, good ol' Peter McNab outlines the OppenheimerFunds Principles for Success. 1) Outwork Chicago, 2) Timely special teams, and 3) "Road warriors." It's amusing to me that Oppenheimer is also a sponsor for the ballet. I'd love to see those Principles for Success...1) Be willing to live on $50/week, 2) Train your body to contort from the age of 3, and 3) Don't get pregnant.

Richardson takes a shot (assisted by Finger) that is initially called a save, but almost two minutes of play later, it's reviewed and awarded to the Avs as a GOAL! McLean makes it 2-1 with a beautiful rebound.

It is observed that the Avs' success might be due in part to Havlat's Flu, which has divested him 10lbs. and landed him in the hospital. I sympathize -- the Hawks must be really strapped to have to play someone (even someone so valuable) so sick, but I'm inclined to give the Avs more credit than that.

In the 2nd, the video review is again a friend to the Avs. The Hawks are awarded a tie-up goal, and then it's taken away. Brutal. Liles covers the puck as his body is careening into the goal and shoves it away from the line, but because the puck itself isn't visible, there can't be a definitive decision.

The only other interesting thing from the 2nd was the commentary about Stastny's stick. It's remarkable that he kicks it old skool and uses wood. If this game had been broadcast on Versus, there would have been all manner of references to Stastny's wood...He learned how to use it from his father...You know what I mean. Those Versus drunkards are pervs. And you know you like it.

In the 3rd, yet another reviewed goal goes in favor of the Avs, giving Arnason his 14th. The puck hit his skate, but he wasn't actively kicking it...Whew! In the last two minutes, Klee gets an empty net courtesy of Sakic, and Rycroft and Finger add insult to injury.

Tonight was the night of the B list. Six goals, and all by underlings overshadowed by the great veterans (Sakic) and up-and-comers (Stastny, Wolski, etc.). Finger's was his first NHL goal, and his face was positively aglow. In a tough guy way, of course. I'm so excited about him. Reluctant to get my hopes too high, but excited. He's not afraid to be physical, but he's also got two assists and a goal. This bodes well on a variety of levels.

FINAL

Avs 6
Black Hawks 1

Post-game, clips from announcer Kyle Keefe's and Paul Stastny's trip to the Boys and Girls' Club of Colorado are hilarious. Girl: "Do you like tacos?" Stastny: "For sure." Then he proceeds to beat them at foosball, air hockey and arm wrestling. He is becoming my favorite...I have one jersey, a replica away that was the Item of the Game not long ago. I decided to wait out the trade deadline before getting it lettered, and now I have to make the fateful decision. Stastny, for obvious reasons, or Arnason, for personal ones? My eventual Sakic jersey will must needs be authentic. Maybe even a Nordiques.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

"Did I Puke On My Jersey?"

2007-02-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs vs. Blue Jackets

My first words yesterday morning. Don't worry. I didn't.

On Monday, I decided to use my day off in the most productive way possible -- patronizing the state's largest liquor store. Go north on I-25 for about half an hour, or until the highway is littered with tumbleweeds (whichever comes first), and you'll find DaveCo Liquors, an establishment of airplane hangar proportions. It even has a humidor, which is unassailably cool.

I was determined to stock up on local goodies, and I did myself proud. In addition to a couple of microbrews I will feature very soon, I aquired a Cottonwood Cellars Cabernet Sauvignon vinted in Olathe, Colorado. I couldn't help but nip into it, as there was a double-header on Versus. It was actually pretty good, though it definitely needs to be decanted for a good three hours. But, given the result, I'm not sure if I should warn you off of Colorado wines or to insist that you UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES follow this particular one with vodka. I'm an Irish lass who can hold her sauce and who loves her vodka, and I've been broke enough for long enough to have steeled myself to the vilest versions out there. It may be that red wine just isn't my thing...

At any rate, I couldn't bring myself to drink for the Jackets game.

When Brunette (on a 12 game point streak) gets a PP goal in the 1st, it is announced that the Avs' power play is 3rd in the league. It seems like every game, Avs are breaking personal, franchise, or league records. So why aren't they winning games?

At Intermission, Giguere speaks to the trades. He highlights the Avs' lacks in goaltending and toughness. Everyone knows by now that May was traded for goalie Mike Wall. May: good riddance. But I'm curious about what Wall's presence means for Theodore (how to dump him?) and young Budaj, who has really come into his own this season. Also, we reaquired Scott Parker from the Sharks. He was an Av during the glory days, and he supposedly has an Avalanche tattoo. Two points in his favor. And he's a tough guy - but he's an injury risk! The Avs have plenty of great potential players who are riding the bench with various physical ailments. The last thing they need is another Leopold.

For this very reason, Finger and Cumiskey have been called up from Albany. I like Finger; he's a scrappy guy. And he gets his first NHL point with an assist on Stastny's (13 game point streak) 2nd period goal.

It's almost Budaj's 5th shutout (and the Jackets' 14th), but Columbus rallies in the final 2 minutes and scores twice.

FINAL

Blue Jackets 2
Avs 3

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

In the Real World, I Don't Think Ducks Survive Avalanches

2007-02-28T17:53:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs at Ducks

The good news: Wolski is back, after missing what seemed to be an inordinate amount of games for a "mild" concussion.

The bad news: Skrastins is out with a knee injury for 7-10 days, ending his Iron Man defensive game streak at 495. It must have been some injury to keep him off the ice. Commentator McNab makes an ineffective comparison between Skrastins and an amputated limb, and I wonder about his sobriety, so often in question of late.

I am watching the game on the Altitude Network. They try, and overall the game coverage is better than on Versus, but I HATE the "Principles for Success" they highlight before each game. Today, they are as follows:

1. Av pride
2. In their face
3. Offense stay strong

Ugh. I never know whether they deserve a "No shit!" or a "WTF?" They might as well say:

1. Score goals
2. Score more goals than other team
3. Don't let other team score goals

In the 1st, McDonald gets two rebound goals on Budaj, and Klee gets penalized for Delay of Game because he took a puck to the face and fell on it. Not good. But Rycroft and Sakic tie it up. Selanne scores, Hejduk responds. Then two more Duck goals, and I see in my notes that all I could do was write "FUCK" and underline it a bunch of times.

I didn't record which of my Colorado brews I drank, but I can tell from my handwriting that I was, so IT'S NOT MY FAULT THIS TIME!

FINAL

Ducks 5
Avs 3

After the game, Quenneville looks tired and broken. It's sad.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

"Our present business is general woe." -- Albany, King Lear

2007-02-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

The Games: Avs vs. Wild and Avs at Kings

Apologies for the posting hiatus. Work has been kicking my ass. Yes, ballet can kick ass. You try perpetuating a notoriously esoteric art form in the electronic age. You think hockey needs better marketing?! Don't get me started...

I went to the Czech hockey bar, Sobo 151, for last Thursday's game against the Wild. No Colorado beers on tap. I take full responsibility for the loss. I drank Czechvar, Pilsner Urquell, and Becherovka, a Czech liqueur that tastes remarkably like Christmas tree and Gingerbread. Makes you all warm and fuzzy, too. And I shared some amazingly potent garlic dip and potato pancakes that were roughly the size of my torso with a buddy. Good times, despite the disappointing first and second periods of play.

In the third, the Avs rallied, much to the delight of my fellow pub patrons, but Koivu ultimately delivered thier demise. And I was handed mine at foosball in much the same fashion -- too little, too late.

FINAL

Wild 4
Avs 3

I missed the Kings game, as I was mired in three hours of Shakespearean tragedy. Not that it wasn't good, but after an hour and 45 minutes without an Intermission, even I was antsy, and my mind wandered to the game.

Everything I read before seeing Lear warned me: Don't go see it! No one can do it justice! Now I see why. The genius of Lear is that there is no hope; no redemption. It grates against everything we want to believe about Fate and human nature. Since it does just that, I think directors and actors subconsciously attempt to alleiviate that supreme discomfort for themselves and their audiences by projecting humor and sexual innuendo into the play where it isn't appropriate. (It's Elizabethan English. The use of the word "cock" isn't ALWAYS double entendre...) That was my experience, anyway.

What does all this have to do with hockey? I guess it's a butts-in-seats thing. When I scoff at theatre companies for tweaking Shakespeare to make his work more palatable to the general public, I can't help but remember that I was one of the ignorant masses who assumed that hockey was boring because of the low score. I'm sure people assume that Shakespeare is boring or difficult to understand, and I combat the same thing on a daily basis at work for the ballet. I know that Shakespeare and ballet, as we all know hockey, is worth watching. If someone just sees it, they'll take something away from it. Even if they aren't hooked on it, they will appreciate something about it. And they will probably come back.

That said, I hope stuff like widening the nets isn't the recourse. Just like I shudder to see The Merchant of Venice done as "Surfin' USA." Or to think of a ballet about Paris Hilton.

We lost in the shootout, and I am "one minded like the weather, most unquietly" (Gentleman, King Lear Act 3, Scene 1).

FINAL

Avs 5
Kings 6

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Nobody Puts Baby On The Last Row

2007-02-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs vs. Flames

If remaining fanatical after last weekend's losses was comparable to staying in a marriage (see last post), last Tuesday's game was the hockey equivalent to vacation sex.

I sat behind the Avs' attack twice goal, in the very top row of the arena. Hearing "Livin' On A Prayer" on the organ was a little disconcerting, but whatever. A nearby father began teaching his 7 or 8 year old son the Art of the (PG) Heckle.

Dad: "Kiprusoff, you bum!"

Son: "I don't know if you have 20/20 vision!"

Wolski and Leopold are announced as scratches. Damn. Wolski suffered a mild concussion at the last Avs/Flames matchup, when he took an unpenalized hit while not in posession of the puck. I don't particularly care about Leopold, since he's only been healthy enough to play three games since I began following the team. First, it was hernia surgery. Then, and groin injury. Now his wrist is broken and he'll be out another month.

Interestingly, Brad May gets a bigger BOO than Theodore when the starters are announced.

Stastny gets two goals and an assist in the 1st, breaking Tanguay's 51 point record as a rookie with the Avs in 1999-2000, and making him the third player to reach 20 goals as a rookie since the team came to Colorado. When asked at the first Intermission why Avs/Flames games are consistently high-scoring, Stastny flashes his toothless grin and says, "Aw, we're just trying to make it interesting for the fans." Gotta love him.

At a TV time-out, Sakic is honored for his 600th goal. He humbly rose to acknowledge the standing ovation, and the stick-banging support from his teammates. The Flames didn't bother to participate. I mean the Lames. Yeah, I said it. The Lames.

I have to wonder if Canadian teams feel like they're playing golf instead of hockey when they come here. Even though we won, the applause was spotty and cautious. I guess nobody wants to be the guy who got his hopes up. But me. I left hoarse.

FINAL

Flames 3
Avs 4

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Two Losses, Shakespearean Cosmology

2007-02-20T13:39:00.000-07:00

The Games: Avs at Flames (AGAIN) and Avs at Canucks

This weekend, I officially crossed one item off the old "List of Things To Do Before I Die" (watch a game at ESPN Zone, an establishment I can only describe as "soulless"), and added an item to the lesser-known "List of Things Never To Do Again" (patronize a bar with an escalator in it).

The Altitude Network broadcast live from ESPN Zone during Saturday's Flames game. Although apathetic waitstaff, overpriced Velveeta cheese, and camera-hungry drunkards who may or may not have been able to point out Calgary on a map annoyed, I had a cold beer and a good friend (on whose recomendation we quickly left for Old Chicago) at hand, and the game started out well, despite Vaananen's game misconduct ejection for an ill-advised early hit.

Leading 2-1 in the second, the Avs lost momentum, plagued with miscommunications and penalties. In the third, Wolski sustained a mild concussion. It looked much worse, as he tried to stand up after the hit and fell immediately back to the ice.

FINAL

Avs 2
Flames 5

Thanks to the stellar bartending staff at Old Chicago, I was treated with Springboard Ale, the Spring special release from New Belgium. Appropriately, it's almost pastel yellow. And quite refreshing.

On Sunday, my hopeful but ironic beverage choice was "Levity" Amber Ale from O'Dell's. Named as such for its light color and its proposed effect on the drinker, it's not as bitter as some other red beers, and is very easy to drink. Good stuff. It occurs to me that I don't have a very sophisticated beer palate. Or beer vocabulary.

The Avs worked hard, and outshot the Canucks 36-20, putting an impossible 4 goals past "Nothing Can Stop Me!" Luongo. Richardson scored while the Avs were shorthanded, and Brunette was credited with two just for being in the right place at the right time. Unfortunately, Theodore was less effective, and he and poor Ken Klee are in the doghouse after an awful loose puck gaffe in the 3rd. Theo went to cover it, and Klee swatted it out, right onto the stick of Sedin for a goal.

FINAL

Avs 4
Canucks 5

A recent trip to Tattered Cover Bookstore afforded me The Essential Hockey Haiku and a copy of Shakespeare's Philosophy. I've been studying King Lear lately, as I'm going to see it on Saturday at the Denver Center for the Performing Arts. Lear's central theme stems from the line "nothing can come from nothing," spoken early in the play by the King to his favorite and most genuine daughter. This semi-existential summation of the creation question hearkens back to Job's "everything is vanity," but, in the context of the play, better equates to "everything is tragedy." Even the purest love and best intentions are rewarded with shame and death. Love does not conquer all -- sometimes, every safeguard, every hope falls through, and there you are, mangled, despised, and alone.

All this is just to say that, when I go so far as to say "I love hockey," I acknowledge that I am inviting a certain amount of pain into my life. As Skrastins said, "pain is part of the job." I think that goes for the fans, too. I believe that both cameraderie and competition are ingrained in the human psyche, and that it is therefore perfectly legitimate for a fan to take a loss as a blow. We may not play the game, but we are certainly invested in it.

But that's what a committed relationship is, then. For better or worse, right? Although you marry someone assuming that your collective characteristics and behaviors will combine in a fruitful way, there is no way to predict what will happen. In the same way (veteran bloggers, do you recall the moment you realized that hockey is metaphorical for EVERYTHING? [tear]), an exeptional player or team may not perform to expectations, and no amount of skill can change the fact that a puck is a puck (is a puck? Thank you, Gertrude Stein), ice is ice, and humans are...you understand.

That said, I love my husband, and I hope we can work it out. Similarly, I love hockey, and am willing to take even the most painful loss in stride in hopes that maybe -- just maybe -- there might be better days ahead.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

One Feat of Strength Begets Another

2007-02-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

Having left my car at work last night, as I went to Happy Hour at the Irish Snug and then a poetry reading at a friends house that quickly degenerated into a drinking song singalong, I decided this morning to walk downtown and fetch it, so that I can go to ESPN Zone tonight to watch the game. I thought "It's a gorgeous day, and I need to work out anyway. I'll just take a brisk jaunt down Colfax."

Probably not the best idea I've ever had.

Three hours, 7.5 miles, 18 honks, 3 whistles, 2 smoochy sounds, and one "looking good!" later, I have to say:

This game better be good.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Sakic, Hat Trick, Alcoholic

2007-02-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs at Flames

"...I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well. I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself..."

--"Vindicated," Dashboard Confessional

"...Oh you gotta keep it strong, move along, move along like I know you do. Even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through..."

--"Move Along," All-American Rejects

I don't often admit familiarity with bands/songs like the ones referenced above (although Chris Carabba's earlier work is of some merit), but there's nothing like pop music for being hyperbolic, is there?

Or, I guess I could revert back to the behaviors associated with football fandom and just yell, FUCK YEAH! WE KICKED ASS!"

Before the game, it is announced that Forsberg has been traded to the Nashville Predators. And guess what? I don't care! Had he gone to the Wings, though, I would have been forced to stomp on his foot.

Another pre-game feature was Part 1 of a 3-part series filmed about a month ago when the Avs took their fathers and mentors along on their trip to Anaheim and San Jose. While the majority of the team played poker on their PSPs, Liles drank milk and did a crossword. "I better myself; I work on my mind," he said. The English teacher in me swelled with pride. The hockey fan in me couldn't help but observe that we've seen more from him in TV interviews than on the ice since his return. He only played eight minutes last night - it may be that he's still nursing his foot.

Not even a minute into the game, The Flames got the crowd lit up and the Avs intimidated with a small scrum. Soon, they had a goal. As the Avs attempted to make thier way down the ice, the game looked more like pinball than hockey. Before we knew it, it was 0-2.

Finally, the Avs get on the board when Super Joe scores his 599th. And Richardson goes to the box for a stick to some Flame's jewels. Is there a technical term for that? Junk Checking?

Theodore relieves Budaj in the 2nd. Something about the change spurs the team; Brunette gets one in, and Hejduk two. In the 3rd, a shot from Clark barely tiptoes over the goal line before being swatted away. The goal is awarded after review, and the Avs took the lead for the first time in the game.

The Flames tie it up again at 5 (FYI, Tanguay assisted on 3 of the Flames' 5 goals. Did trading him for Leopold seem like a good idea at the time?). But HEJDUK SCORES AGAIN! My first Hat Trick! I wish it had happened here, and am reminded of my urgent need for a hat.

With 9 seconds left in the game, Sakic becomes the 17th player in NHL history to reach 600 goals, scoring on the Flames' open net. He told the papers that wasn't ideal, but they still had to work for it. Now I have to go the game on Tuesday, when the Avs meet Calgary for the third time in a week here in Denver. I'm sure they'll do something nice for Super Joe, and I'm sure I'll cry again. Go ahead and scoff. You and I both know you'd do the same.

FINAL

Avs 7
Flames 5

To make the evening even better, I had leftover Alu Gobi (spicy cauliflower and potatoes) and Sawtooth Ale from Left Hand Brewing Company in Longmont, CO. A brewer after my own heart, they obviously have a penchant for the $3 word. "Brewed to enjoy with friends and stimulate serendipity," says the six-pack. I did enjoy it, though alone. And the night was serendipitous regardless.

Furthermore, the water in my complex was turned back on (water main break), and I got to take a shower. Probably felt as good as if I'd played the game myself.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

A Samurai Send-Off

2007-02-15T16:14:00.000-07:00

Before Tuesday's game against the Ducks, one of Denver's local sportscasters asked Liles whether or not it would help the team to invite Dr. Phil into the locker room. I know, television reporters are abominably daft. But Liles' answer concerned me. He said, in as many words, that no doctor could fix the team's ills, and that he/she would find more wrong than expected.

Lately, the company line has been that the team is losing because they don't start with enough enthusiasm. The elephant in the room is...there's much more to it than that. There is an attitude of surrender in Denver. And not just since it has become increasingly clear that the Avs may not make the playoffs for the first time during their residence here.

I noticed it in particular at the two Avs/Red Wings games I have attended this season. From what I understand, a Wings jersey used to be an invitation for a beating in this town. I know the rivalry is all but dead, but the meekness with which we accepted both losses and wins surprised me. In some cases, it seemed like shouting "Red Wings Suck!" was meant as little but a joke, especially in the context of the comparative performance between the two teams. It was as if those who ventured to yell it (or wear it) were children experimenting with swearing in front of their parents for the first time.

It's time for the Avs to get introspective; go back to basics. In half an hour, you can be in the mountains asking what it all means. Do it.

Yeah, Budaj was inspired on Tuesday. But as of tonight the Avs are on the road, playing the Flames twice. They have lost the last five against Calgary. Budaj has been replaced in three.

It's gonna take more than enthusiasm.

So, a little Zen for the Avs' pre-game mountaintop reflections: The Samurai Creed.

I have no parents; I make the Heavens and the Earth my parents.
I have no home; I make the Tan T'ien my home.
I have no divine power; I make honesty my divine power.
I have no means; I make Docility my means.
I have no magic power; I make personality my magic power.
I have neither life nor death; I make A Um my life and death.

I have no body; I make Stoicism my body.
I have no eyes; I make the Flash of Lightening my eyes.
I have no ears; I make Sensibility my ears.
I have no limbs; I make Promptitude my limbs.
I have no laws; I make Self-Protection my law.
I have no strategy; I make the Right to Kill and the Right to Restore Life my strategy.
I have no designs; I make Seizing the Opportunity by the Forelock my design.
I have no miracles; I make Righteous Laws my miracles.
I have no principles; I make Adaptability to all Circumstances my principle.
I have no tactics; I make Emptiness and Fullness my tactics.

I have no talent; I make Ready Wit my talent.
I have no friends; I make my Mind my friend.
I have no enemies; I make Incautiousness my enemy.
I have no armour; I make Benevolence my armour.
I have no castle; I make the Immovable Mind my castle.
I have no sword; I make No Mind my sword.

Focus. Think of nothing but the task at hand. You are here for a reason.

In other words, guys, don't try to play hockey tonight. Do what you were born to do.

"I Love it When a Goalie Plays Good"

2007-02-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs vs. Ducks

Normally, I denounce color commentators as moronic automatons. But last night's reaction to Budaj was classic. A little Forrest Gump, a little Mr. T. Classic.

Budaj got his fourth shutout, and was altogether amazing. Notwithstanding his Flandersian adherance to Christianity, I have to make the obligatory Vishnu (or "The All-Pervading One," from the root meaning "presence everywhere") reference. He seriously sprouted extra limbs, and proceeded to contort them in all kinds of inconceivable ways.

Stastny and Hejduk both got their fourth consecutive goals. Yay!

FINAL

Stars 0
Avs 2

Off to Indian food. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

A Valentine Greeting to Warm the Heart...and Blacken the Lungs

2007-02-14T17:44:00.000-07:00

And, for good measure, a poem:

You Fit Into Me

You fit into me
Like a hook into an eye

A fish hook
An open eye

--Margaret Atwood

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

From the Highest Mountain to the Deepest Valley

2007-02-13T13:44:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs at Stars

I spent last weekend about 20 miles past Winter Park, where there were no phones, televisions, or computers to taint the beauty of nature. In other words, I nearly went insane. On my way up the mountain, I stopped at a grocery store in hopes that I might at least find The Hockey News. Alas, Gun's 'n' Ammo gave way to Hunting Magazine, and I left empty-handed.

The mountains were beautiful. Snow, Aspen, and age-old icicles the size of tree trunks. But as soon as I could, I was racing back to town to catch the early Avs/Stars game.

Pardon the lack of pastoral photos, by the way. I can go toe to toe on Russian Literature, but please don't ask me to plug stuff in! It doesn't help that my computer predates mankind. I'll figure it all out, I promise...

Each member of both teams pledged money to The Garth Brooks Teammates for Kids Foundation, based on their performance. $300 for a goal, etc. As admirable as I think that is, I also think Garth (who, I feel obligated to admit, happens to live in my hometown) was wise to go with funding children's charities through sports instead of starting the Garth Brooks Center for Kids Who Don't Read Good. He is quoted in the Post as saying "hockey, per player, gives more than any other sport. ... I'd say philanthropic, but I can't spell it or use it in a sentence. You know what I mean. A very giving person." Good lord. Personally, I would like to help kids more, but I am not a philanthropic. I don't have enough money to philanthropic that venture. Hours of fun for the whole family...

Budaj and Turco started the game in goal. Three Dallas goals later, as I was feeling the distinct sensation of deja-vu, Theodore was put in. Sakic, Stastny, and Wolski scored, and Turco was replaced by Smith soon after. Too bad. I really like Marty Turco, and I was annoyed to hear the announcers talk about him like he's some washed-up has-been in the shadow of the rookie. Yeah, Smith, with his recent string of shutouts and some impossible saves, is impressive. But have some respect. Alternatively, it was nice to hear Budaj called the "Fourth coach" as he yelled support to his teammates from the bench.

When the Stars scored their 6th goal, the replay captured Guite beautifully as he all but stepped out of the way of the puck. His face in slow motion was priceless. "Noooooooo..." He almost redeemed himself with two goals-that-might-have-been, but Smith was just too fast for him.

Leopold was sent to the box for closing his hand on the puck, a ridiculous sounding penalty that I had not heard of and didn't particularly want to. I'm gonna have to look into that one.

The McLean/Arnason/Laperriere line made it 5-6, and it looked like the Avs were about to take the game. The speed increased by double. A HUGE check on Clark resulting in a Stars penalty seemed like it would seal the deal. But it didn't. THREE consecutive power plays were wasted by the Avs. Even with the extra man, they were chasing the puck all over Dallas. Literally. The Stars basically just stood in their zone, waiting for an Av to pass them the puck so they could clear it out. And that's what happened over and over for six total minutes. Finally, Liles turned it over, Theo stopped the ensuing shot and essentially kicked it to Halpern, and Halpern scored on the rebound.

FINAL

Avs 5
Stars 7

What a nail-biter. To go from 0-3 to 5-7...Three power plays in a row when it was a one point game...Two days later it still makes my neck tense up. The medicine on Sunday, as it will be again tonight, was 5th Avenue Pale Ale, courtesy of O'Dells Brewing in Fort Collins. This hoppy ale is made in small batches (5 barrels at a time, wouldn't you know) for quality. And it's good.

Let's Go Avs! Please? Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

My First Hockey Cry

2007-02-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs vs. Thrashers

...And it didn't even have to do with the outcome of the game. Rather, before the game started, Karlis Skrastins was honored for breaking a nearly 40 year old NHL record for most consecutive games played by a defenseman. The arena was dotted with signs, some in Latvian, saying things like "IRON MAN MADE IN LATVIA" and "ALL LATVIANS ARE PROUD OF YOU." And when Skrastins took the ice for a lap, and BOTH teams were beating their sticks on the ice in support, I pretty much lost it.

Two of former record holder Tim Horton's daughters were present for the occasion, and color commentator Peter McNab, who played alongside Horton as a Sabre, gave them each a bouquet of roses. Skrastins' (stunningly gorgeous blonde) wife was given a bracelet, and "Scratch" himself a framed black and white side-by-side of action shots of himself and Horton. It was actually really touching.

Too bad the Avs proceeded to get completely schooled.

I was seated 20 rows from the ice, just behind Theodore (urp) in goal. Amazing seats. For the entire first period, I didn't even want to make noise, because I wanted to hear everything. Every scrape of the ice...I could hear the players talking to one another. I could practically feel the checks.

To make the experience even more enjoyable, I got to watch the game with a loud, foul-mouthed Canadian (Edmonton fan), who also happens to be an 80-odd lb. ballet dancer. A pleasure I hope to repeat often. To use her turn of phrase, it was "fucking wicked." Apparently, the last time she attended an Oilers game, her "commentary" was obnoxious enough that a male fan sitting nearby had to be restrained. During the course of this game, she downed three beers, a hot dog, and a serving of Mmmini Donuts. I think I've found a hockey buddy.

Theo wasn't the only player who got off to a bad start during his single period of netmindlessness. Nothing was working for the Avs. Even though they tied their season high of shots on goal with 48, for a while there it was looking like Skrastins was going to get shut out on his big day.

There was much rejoicing when Budaj replaced Theo in the 2nd, but the damage was pretty much done. It didn't help that the penalty calls seemed more than a little one-sided. Lappy, Leopold, and Stastny (he's on a roll) scored, but Hossa topped off the Thrashers with a sixth in the final two minutes. As disappointing as the loss was, I was more disappointed to see fans absolutely STREAMING out of the arena. You can wait two minutes. If you're so interested in getting home as quickly as possible, watch the game from home. Jerks.

FINAL

Thrashers 6
Avs 3

It occurs to me that hockey will probably break my heart. That said, my heart is a glutton for punishment.

I drank Coors. From a plastic bottle, no less. But it was cold. Probably because I was so close to the ice. So there. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Tough Guys Earn the Win

2007-02-08T16:41:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs vs. Panthers

After watching the Dead Wings come back and win against the Rangers the other day, I closed my eyes real tight, clicked my heels and wished the Avs could have their 3rd period performance. The hockey gods made a deal with the Devil...I got my wish. Or close enough.

Stastny tied it up with less than a minute in the 3rd, and Sakic won it less than a minute into OT, but, according to first star Sakic, the win was all about Theodore and Arnason.

Theodore earned his keep in periods 1 and 2. And thanks to Florida's double penalties at the last minute, he got to see the win from the best seat in the house.

Arnason (second star) scored his 13th. He really worked hard. Wherever the puck was, there was #39. [Choked up] He's my special boy!

Liles was back on the ice after missing 11 games with a broken foot. According to the Post, he left with blood "pouring" from it, but glad to be playing again.

Speaking of hardcore Avs, Tuesday's game was Skrastins' 486th consecutive game. Tonight (Avs vs. Thrashers) he'll break the record for most consecutive games played by a defenseman, previously held by Tim Horton for his 486 games as a Leaf between February 1961 and February 1968. I wonder what chain of restaurants Skrastins will champion?

Also, Lappy apparently leads the league with penalty minutes for fighting. And Wolski is playing with the flu. Tough guys.

FINAL

Panthers 4
Avs 5

I'll be at the Thrashers game tonight, in the best seat I've had to date. I'll whisper sweet nothings to you about it in the morning. Sleep tight! Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

An Observation

2007-02-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

With all due respect, Brian Engblom needs a haircut. That is all.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

If It Weren't For That Pesky Third Period...

2007-02-05T15:50:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs vs. Oilers

After venturing out into the bright meltiness of Denver to fetch a six-pack of aptly named Avalanche Amber Style Ale from my friendly neighborhood liquor store (my favorite employee's name is Kim Kim), I was ready for Saturday's afternoon game. Not particularly ready to drink, per the previous night's shenanigans, but you know...I had to take one for the team.

Let me preface this next paragraph by alerting you to the fact that I saw my first televised hockey game on November 18th (Avs at Wild), and my first live one on December 6 (Colorado Eagles vs. Rocky Mountain Rage). I will say it again: I am learning as I go. I get my information from other blogs, newpapers, and team websites. But, I confess, I also have to consult Wikipedia. I can't help it.

So, for your edification, perhaps the most incoherent rant Re: the Edmonton Oilers ever made, interjected into an otherwise informative and perfectly legitimate article, and further proof that Wikipedia is not always a reliable source of information:

"The edmonton oilers are probably the luckest team in the NHL. How they made the playoffs is a mystery to most NHL players. Not only are they lucky there fans are the biggest f*ck heads in the world, think about it White Ave. mmmm.. i wonder where that came from oh wait i know the Red Mile in Calgary Whats the problem you guys can't think of stuff your self you have to take it from other team. More proof that the Oilers suck, well look at Chris Pronger spent one season in edmonton and hated it with a passion. funny i think the same thing about Edmonton. You want more proof that Edmonton is lucky look at them this year, what are they this year last in the Northwest division, not in a playoff spot. Funny how that works. I guess you guys should have kept the horse shoes in there ass over the summer. Not that would have helped much anyways."

I don't know what that means, if anything. But it was amusing to stumble on in between the Oilers' "Great One" days and last season's playoff run.

According to Coach Quenneville, Saturday's game against the Oilers was "almost a carbon copy" of the Avs/Wild matchup on last Thursday. The team played well in general, fell behind in the third, and couldn't make it up.

It was a heated conflict, in my limited experience. And I must say, it was really nice to see someone other than Lappy get into it. Newbie Rycroft is now the only other player on the team to get a five-minute major for fighting. I was struck by the announcers' repeated comment: "This is how the game should be played." For once, I had to agree with them. It really was evident that both teams were fighting for something that was supremely important to them. I'm sure no player would readily admit that some games feel more important than others, or that the urgency isn't the same with 60 games left as it is with 30, and most of them away from home, and the playoffs in the balance, but the difference was palpable to me. And I felt the disappointment.

Sigh. If only. That's what the general consensus seems to be. If only the young 'uns like Wolski and Stastny, etc. had a couple more seasons under their belts. If only Sakic could stay on the ice for 60 minutes. Ok, that one was mine.

FINAL

Oilers 3
Avs 2

Surprisingly, my beer choice is having little effect on the team's performance. Too bad. Then again, there are less desireable superstitious rituals. Avalanche Amber hails from Breckenridge, CO's Breckenridge Brewery. In their breakdown of its hoppiness, etc., Avalanche is cited as having "19 Bitterness Units." I had to laugh. Only 19? Too bad #19 Sakic is such a tactful, humble guy. That would have been too funny.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

What's "Wild" About Minnesota, Anyway?

2007-02-02T10:35:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs vs. Wild

So, it started snowing last night. Again. I believe this is the SEVENTH consecutive weekend that Colorado has gotten dumped on, in installments ranging between a couple of inches and a few feet. Now, I am usually the transplant that defends snow against the perennial grumblings of natives. But this is getting old. This morning, the wind was blowing so hard through the breezeway at my apartment complex that snow was actually coming in the cracks of my door. There's a little pile on the carpet; I kid you not.

Anyway, it was a good night to come home, cook up a vat of chili, and watch the game. Apparently I wasn't the only fan who thought so, as the Denver Post cites low attendance at the Pepsi Center. Or maybe we all just thought the Avs should have had this game in the bag.

The Avs are on a five game homestand. And they just beat the team at the top of the heap. And this was a must-win four point game. The Wild have been terrible on the road in general this season (9-16-1), and are especially so when they come to Denver, going "2-12-2...in 16 lifetime visits to the Pepsi Center and hav[ing] lost in five of their last six trips [here]" (TSN).

It was a good game to watch, really. The Avs kept it tied up until into the 3rd period. Even when the Wild made it 4-3, I wasn't too concerned. But that fifth goal...Ugh.

FINAL

Wild 5
Avs 3

Nothing like beer to wash down the bitter taste of defeat, though. Last night's was Planet Porter from the Boulder Beer Company in Boulder, CO. My only previous Porter experience was at Rock Bottom, and I thought it tasted like oven drippings, so I was a little hesitant. But, it was time to give Porter another chance, and I'm glad I did. I can't stay mad at you, beer! When I tasted it, the words "beer milkshake" came to mind...in the best possible way. It was like beer...making out with a chocolate milkshake...on silk sheets. Yeah.

Boulder Brewing Company touts itself as Colorado's oldest microbrewery, established in 1979. I don't know about that. They're older than me, anyway.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Redemption and New Belgium

2007-01-31T11:40:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs vs. Predators

Last night, my other half and I went to Old Chicago to watch the game. At 6:05, I realized that it was on me to alert the waitstaff that the game (earlier than usual, granted) had started, and that it was on Versus, not the Altitude Network. When they changed the channel, they couldn't figure out how to get their HD out of "Zoom" mode, so we couldn't see the timeclock or the scores. Happily, though, it was "Fat Tire Tuesday." $2.50 pints of any New Belgium brew. More on that later. And, since I was wearing my trusty jersey, other customers came to me for the invisible score. I felt important.

The odds were stacked against the Avs.

Nashville is ranked #1 in the Western Conference, and came to Colorado having won 10 of their previous 11 games, whereas the Avs are hoping just to get into the playoffs, and were still smarting from the ridiculous Wings matchup last Sunday.

Plus, the game, broadcast on Versus as aforementioned, was the Predators' first and ONLY national television appearance of the season.

But the Avs pulled it out.

Budaj started (cue the Seraphim), and proved that he has all the confidence of, nearly the ability of, and more consistency than Theodore, at a fraction of the price. After Theodore endured his first camera close-up on the bench, he put on a hat.

Tyler Arnason got his 12th goal of the season. Not the most impressive player on the team, but he tries, and he's always going to be close to my heart because he was born in Oklahoma City, OK. His family almost immediately moved to Canada, but I don't care. Oklahoma is permanent.

FINAL

Predators 3
Avs 4

Oh, yeah. The beer. Well, Fat Tire isn't the most interesting Colorado beer to begin with, since it's pretty readily available. But it was cheap, and you can't argue with that. At least I didn't go for a Coors, right? Coors Brewery, by the way, is located about 10 minutes from my place, in Golden, CO. The infamous Pete Coors ran for Senate in 2004. Since he didn't win, he spends his time driving while intoxicated.

New Belgium Brewing Company is based in Fort Collins, CO, and was started by a guy to biked across Europe and was impressed by Belgian brewing practices. He named his first basement brew in honor of the trek - Fat Tire Amber Ale. They describe it as "toasty...(sorta like biscuits just pulled from the oven)," and go on to say "Fat Tire’s depth of flavor...tandems well with a full spectrum of today’s engaging cuisines. Salmon, dry-aged cheeses, roasted chilies, omelets at midnight, sweet potato French fries and just about anything with grill marks or garlic are just a few of the edibles we like to partner up with our Amber Ale." My assessment? Like most Americans, I like my beer COLD, which generally precludes the detection of a brew's "biscuitiness." That said, Fat Tire is good. Have some, and think of me. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Embarrassment in HockeyTown

2007-01-29T16:37:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs at Red Wings

Although I cringed to see Theodore start this game, he played like an award-winner, and saved the Avs from utter annihilation. Despite his stellar performance, though, I secretly hope Quenneville is only exhibiting him in the hopes that another desperate team will be foolish enough to take him off our hands.

[Aside] When the Wings last came to Denver (Jan. 20) there was a pre-game celebration of all the charitable donations the Avalanche franchise has given to local non-profits. The $6M Theodore is due to earn next season is roughly my non-profit's Yearly Operating Budget...Hmmm...

The Avs were shamefully outshot by the Wings, giving up the puck at every opportunity, apparently as gifts for Chelios' and Hasek's 45th and 42nd birthdays, respectively.

Until the 3rd period, the only goal scored was by Datsyuk, although he had a more impressive assist in the 1st when he deflected a shot from Brunette into Lidstrom's face. You'd think, with teammate Kronwall sporting the cage to protect the stitches required from a skate to the nose at the last Avs/Wings game, more Wings (and players in general) would consider the visor. "Super Joe" wears it well, if I may say so myself, and if I'm even HALF as pretty at 37 as Sakic is, I can die a happy puck bunny. Heck, Ovechkin is making the thing into a fashion accessory.

In the 3rd, a controversial reviewed goal is awarded to Holmstrom. He is almost immediately penalized for high sticking, and the resulting Av Power Play makes for their first and only goal. A last-minute (1:06) goal by Maltby seals the deal.

FINAL

Avs 1
Red Wings 3

[Petulantly] Red Wings still suck. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

Inside the Box

2007-01-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

The Game: Avs v Coyotes

Friday night, I came home from work, changed into my jersey and pajama bottoms, and settled in on the couch for a night of watching hockey and nursing my cold. About an hour before faceoff, I got an unexpected call from a friend who works at the Pepsi Center. Owner's Box. Center Ice. Suddenly I wasn't feeling so bad.

There are pros and cons to watching the game from the Owner's Box. PRO: The vantage point is amazing, and every sound from the ice and the crowd are amplified. CON: Most of the people who are regularly able sit in the Owner's Box aren't overwhelmingly enthusiastic about the game.

While the Avs took the lead in the 1st, a tipsy young woman made use of the computer at the bar to surf the Internet for wedding dresses.

When it was 4-2 in the 2nd, a drunk, middle-aged realtor started hitting on my friend, saying in so many words that he was lonely, and that although he had a 16-year-old daughter, she wouldn't be a problem for any new love interest of his.

By the time the Coyotes tied it up in the 3rd period, my friend couldn't take Mr. Realtor's advances any longer, and invited me upstairs to see the Pepsi Center's Administrative Offices.

When the Avs lost in the shootout, having lead the entire game, I was looking through the glass walls of Pepsi Center owner Stan Kroenke's office at a stuffed pheasant. Apparently Stan is quite the hunter. Ugh. And his wife is affiliated with Wal-Mart.

FINAL

Coyotes 5
Avs 4

Happy 46th Birthday, Coach Gretzky.

NOTE: It is rumoured that Kroenke is hoping to buy both Brooklyn's and Braun's. We might be looking for another place to drink pre- and post-game pretty soon.

Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella

The NHL All-Star Game: Hockey for Dummies

2007-01-25T09:48:00.000-07:00

Whatever its implications or lack thereof, I confess I enjoyed watching the All-Star Game last night. No thanks to Versus, Chuck Norris, or "natural male enhancement" commercials. Santa's giant "sack of pride?" Come on! SPECIAL thanks to Marty Turco, however, who made the game by not only minding the net, but carrying on a glib chat at the same time.

Although I've apprehended that most avid fans are pretty indifferent to the All-Star Game, or view it simply as an unwelcome interruption to "real" hockey, I think it's important that we look at it in the context of the ongoing "butts-in-seats, wider audiences" argument. It is what it is. It's Hockey for Dummies. And like it or not, there's a place for that.

I understand the myriad reasons a veteran fan, or maybe even a veteran player, might call the All-Star Game meaningless, or even insulting. The Diet Coke of hockey, if you will. But for the hockey ignorant, this is entry-level. We'll show you the ugly, offensive stuff later. For now, here are some handsome men with accents get along famously.

If you're piqued by a mild curiosty for the work of a renowned poet, or have a vague interest in a certain musician, it makes sense for you to read that poet's selected works, rather than investing in every volume he or she has penned, or to buy the musician's "Best Of" compilation CD. Similarly, the All-Star celebration offers an introductory overview of "Who's Who" in the game of hockey.

In the otherwise intricate, historied game of hockey.

In the intimidatingly glorious game of hockey.

It is unfair to expect new and prospective fans to immediately be able to comprehend and appreciate it's vastness, especially as there are a number of fans out there who don't even have a team to attach themselves to.

Perhaps this is a "dumbing-down" of the game, or at least a misrepresentation of it. However, I repectfully submit that...people are dumb. And proud of it. According to publishers Wiley and Sons, the For Dummies series has over 125 million books in print, translated into 39 languages and distributed in 40 countries. Needless to say, there is DEMAND for DUMB. See any Dummies title for reviews from customers joyfully proclaiming that they are "no longer a dummy!" My God, my God.

FYI, there is a "Hockey for Dummies" from 2001 (anyone want to tackle those revisions?), and a "Coaching Hockey for Dummies" circa last September.

This is fun. Best Friends Forever!

--Satanella